Fighting For Nothing
by paraflymore
Summary: The Winchester's are no strangers to The Dawson women. Arlene has sowed all of them up a time or two. After John gets hurt on a hunt Dean doesn't know where else to take him but that old house in Georgia. Lila was just a little girl the last time she saw the Winchesters, but she never forgot them, especially Dean. After he lays eyes on her, its hard for him to forget her too.
1. These Things Take Back Bone

SPN: Fighting For Nothing

By: Paraflymore

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do not own Supernatural and if I did I would be way nicer to them all.

TimeLine: June 2003

A/N: This is a story I have been writing for a while now. It is very much AU, but it will follow canon as best as it possibly can. It features a few OC's mainly my muse Lila Dawson (Nina Dobrev) who I think is pretty cool. I hope to update this fairly regularly but I probably won't. The title for this story is also a Meg & Dia song and it is pretty much the theme song for this story/verse

Summary: She isn't a little girl anymore, and it is kind of hard not to notice.

Fighting For Nothing

Chapter One

"These Things Take Back Bone"

 **She** was in soap suds up to her elbows when someone knocked on the door. Janis Joplin was playing loudly through the house, but she could hear her mother opening the door, her voice booming over Janis' scratchy voice. Arlene Dawson had the kind of voice that couldn't be quiet even when she wanted to. Lila had grown used to her mother's loudness. She wipes the soap on the front of her shirt and turns the radio down to try to hear who was coming in so late.

"What the hell happened?" She hears her saying as she comes around the corner, John Winchester in tow and he has a bloody towel pressed to his abdomen. Dean, his oldest son has his arm around his father, keeping him up right. Lila can tell that he is afraid, and she knows that feeling well.

This isn't the first time a hunter has showed up at their door bleeding to death, but it was the first time that it was someone that she loved.

The Winchesters had spent a lot of time in the Dawson house. They were almost like her brothers at one point in time, but Dean, he was always something so much more than that. Her face was burning red hot seeing him now, dressed in her ripped shirt and dirty shorts Lila could not help but feel like she used to around the oldest Winchester, like she was nothing more than a silly child.

"What happened?" Her voice sounded far away as her mother cleared off the counter and Dean helped his father up onto it effortlessly. His eyes were half open and when her mother touched his cheek she could see that her fingers were covered in his blood. "John I need you to keep your eyes open for me, okay?"

"It was a werewolf." Dean was saying, his hands were covered in blood and they were shaking. Lila grabbed her mother's bag from under the sink and sat it next to her on the counter. She turned the water on and motioned for Dean to wash his hands. "It was fucking huge. I have never seen one so big before..." He says, watching the blood swirl around the drain. She is lost for a second, watching him, rediscovering him after all this time. Five years can really change a person...

"Lila," Her mother snaps, bringing her back to reality. "I need you to draw me a dose of morphine."

She opens up the black box from her bag and draws the morphine into a syringe. She had been doing this since she was ten years old. So she was no stranger to the rush of adrenaline and the frantic way her mother spoke.

Dean stands close to her, and Lila is so aware of him, it makes her hands shake as she hands the needle to her mother. "Is he going to be okay?" He asks, his voice is barely a whisper.

She turns around and looks at him then, his green eyes meet hers and she is at a loss for words. What can she say to him to make everything okay?

"Dean, maybe you should wait in the other room-"

"I'm not leaving him." He snaps.

Arlene nods and continues working on him, her hands move mechanically over his wounds, and Lila thinks that she has seen her mother do this a hundred times before, but she is always amazed at how she keeps herself so composed. It was one of the things she admired most about her mother, her ability to control her emotions at emotional times.

Lila on the other hand was on the verge of tears and almost at a loss for what to do. John Winchester was almost like a dad to her. Her own father had left them when she was just a baby, and growing up he seemed to always be around, and he always made her feel like she was one of his own. She was seven the first time she laid eyes on the Winchesters. They were all dirty and cut up from a hunt and they showed up on their doorstep because little Sammy had broken his arm and John couldn't take him to the ER because it's hard to explain injuries like that. She had never seen kids hunting before, not like John had his sons doing. Lila knew enough about this life to know that it was not an easy gig, and she felt sorry for them.

Her and Sam were fast friends. They were just a year apart and he was in awe of her collection of books. But Dean was a different story, he was sullen and withdrawn and he didn't talk to them much. But Lila knew, she knew even back then that Dean Winchester was something special.

"Do you want something to drink?" She asks, peeking her head inside the small bedroom his father was sleeping in. Arlene had patched him up and he was sleeping soundly. He would pull through, he was strong. At least that is what Lila was going to believe.

He shook his head and turned to look at her. "No."

She nods, stepping further into the room. "Do you want something to eat? Or maybe a shower?"

He sighs and Lila stiffens, she was no stranger to the wrath of Dean. Somehow she always managed to tick him off.

"I'm fine. I just want to stay with him."

"Okay. You know where everything is if you change your mind." She turns back to the door and he clears his throat.

"Lila?"

She turns around and looks at him, trying to ignore the way her name sounded coming out of his mouth. She always got that flutter around him.

"I just don't want to be alone right now." He says, his voice sounding small and far away. "Could you stay and talk for a while? I'm climbing the walls."

Lila turns around and pulls the ottoman towards his chair and sits down slowly. "So... how have you guys been?"

He chuckles. "Peachy."

She chews the inside of her cheek. "Sorry I'm no good at small talk."

Dean nods, in the dark room he looked so much older than he really was. But he always had that air about him, like he was always above and way too cool. She was pretty much used to it. "How have you been?"

"Good I guess. I graduated last month, I got into Duke. But I don't think I am going to go."

"Why not?"

She shrugs. She didn't really want to talk about this with him. It was personal, and he wasn't someone who she felt comfortable around even though she knew him for most of her life. Dean Winchester had always made her nervous, and she knew some things would never change.

"You should go."

"I might." She says, picking fuzz balls off the ottoman.

Dean adjusts himself in the chair so he is facing her now. "What's your other option?"

Lila looks up at him, his eyes are boring into her and she wishes she didn't look directly into them. "I want to hunt."

He let out a noise that made Lila feel like a silly child. "What do you know about hunting."

"I know enough. I've been on a few over the years. Remember I went on a few with you guys the last time you visited."

"You salted and burned some bones... there is a lot more to it than that."

She sighs. "You sound like my mother."

"You don't want to be a hunter."

"How do you know what I want?" She asks, raising an eyebrow at him.

"I don't..." He says with a casual smirk. He really was just too damned good looking for his own good.

She crosses her arms over her chest. "I talked to Sam. We emailed a few times last year while I was filling out my applications, he helped me with my essays." She says in an effort to change the subject.

He winces at the sound of his brother's name and it does not go unnoticed.

"You miss him, don't you?" She asks, her voice coming out in a whisper.

He scoffed, but Lila could see right through him. She always could.

"He misses you."

"I don't want to talk about Sam, okay?" What he is really saying is he can't and she gets it. If anyone knew how close Sam and Dean were it was Lila. She experienced it for herself many times.

"You should really take a shower. You smell pretty bad."

He fights a smile and throws a pillow at her as he rises up from the chair. "You don't smell so nice either sweetheart."

And she would chase after him if she was still nine years old, but she is more mature now and settles for flipping him the bird.

...

He wakes up early. His back and neck are hurting from sleeping in that chair. Someone had put a blanket over him while he slept and he knows it was Lila. She was always sweet.

Dean could remember her as a kid, always wanting to help and always trying her hardest to impress him. It was annoying as hell if he was being completely honest. He was halfway expecting to see that annoying kid sister that he never asked for when he walked into their door.

He was not expecting her to be hot.

She had _really_ grown up on him, and he could not help but notice.

 _Sue him for being a man._

His dad is breathing soundly in the bed, he looks like he has more color than he did the night before and that was promising. He almost felt relieved as he made his way towards the kitchen, until her saw her bent over, digging something out of the bottom of the fridge.

Fuck.

He was going straight to hell for the thoughts that began bouncing around in his head as he gazed at her butt, barely covered by her pajama shorts that had little pink stars printed all over them.

She rose up, flipping her long, dark hair over her shoulder. She was holding a pound of bacon with a smile of satisfaction on her face.

"Morning." He says, giving her his best smirk.

"How did you sleep?" She asks, cutting the pack of bacon in half on the counter. He tries not to notice the tattoo peaking out from under her shirt. It looked like something with wings.

"You can cook?" Dean asks, averting his eyes.

"Of course." She says putting a skillet on top of the stove and eyeing him with a vengeful look. "Do you want some breakfast or not?"

He shrugs and makes his way over to the coffee pot on the counter and pours himself a cup. He eyes her cup sitting there, she put whip cream on top of it.

"How do you drink that stuff black?" She asks, leaning coolly against the counter, her hip bones were playing peekaboo with him and he noticed another tattoo, this one just looked like three stars on her right hip bone.

"Nice tattoo." He says, trying his best not to sound like a jackass.

Lila pulls her tank top down over the offending stars quickly. "Thanks."

"Does your mom know?"

She chuckles, flipping her bacon over, he winces because she is doing it way too soon. "You keep forgetting that I am not a kid anymore Dean."

There was no way he could forget that. "You're not cooking that bacon right." He says, stepping closer to the oven and taking her fork.

She snatches it back from him. "What do you know about cooking?"

"I know that you're not cooking this bacon right." He flips it back over and turns the oven down. "Cooking it on high won't make it cook any faster either."

Lila pinches his arm and grabs the fork back from him. "You are such a know it all."

"I am not."

"Yes you are, you always have been."

He shrugs. "And what about you?"

"What about me?" She scoffs looking him right in the eye.

"You're annoying." _and fucking gorgeous._

Lila tucks a loose piece of hair behind her ear and eyes him. He wonders what she sees, and why she seems to be staring for so long. He shrugs it off and takes a long drink of his coffee. "So where did your mom go?"

"She went into town to get some stuff for your dad, she is giving him a blood transfusion today."

He nods, flipping the bacon with a fork. Lila turned the radio on and pulled a carton of eggs out of the fridge, he did not look at her, at least not as long as he did the last time.

"So how does she feel about you wanting to be a hunter."

Lila takes a thoughtful sip of her coffee. "How do you think she feels? She hates it." She looks up at him, her eyes seem somewhere far off.

"I'm sorry. Maybe it is just crazy to me that someone would choose this life."

She nods. "I get it. Trust me. I saw how you and Sam grew up. I know that its a bloody, scary gig and I know it's not a joke-" She looks right into his eyes as she speaks, "But I think I would be good at it, and I want to save people. I want to make a difference."

"Well you should be a doctor or something legit like that."

She laughs. "Now you sound like my mother."

"I am getting kind of old you know?" He flips the bacon and he tries to concentrate on the sound of the grease popping, anything to distract him from how close she was. "Maybe that's why..."

She rolls her eyes at him. "You're what- six years older than I am. You are far from a grandpa."

"Ah yes, but I am wise beyond my year."

"You are such a nerd." She says, laughing at him.

"So seriously, what got you started on this whole I want to be a hunter thing?"

She sighs, "I found my dad a couple years back. He was a hunter you know?"

Dean shook his head. He never really knew much about Lila's father he didn't think he was the only one.

"You said _was._.."

Lila nods. "He died, about five months ago."

"I'm sorry."

She shook her head. "I hardly knew the guy besides a few letters and phone calls. We only met a couple of times in person..."

"So, he died and you want to hunt because he was a hunter and you wanna be like him , make him proud or something?"

She shook her head. "No. Not really. I mean, it just feels inevitable to me."

And if anyone could understand that feeling he could. Hunting was ingrained so deeply into him he didn't know if he could do anything else. Sometimes he didn't want to do anything else and other times he wished with every part of him that he could.

They settle in the living room after the food is done. Lila plops down on the couch and he sits as far away from her as possible. He couldn't fully trust himself.

She turns on the TV, settling on a re-run of some old sitcom that he barely remembers the name of. He is too focused on her, on the way she is chewing her food and concentrating on the TV at the same time.

It was easy to dismiss her when she was just a kid.

But that was proving to be impossible now.

...

Lila could feel him staring.

Yeah, she might have been licking the grease from her fingers a little too long, but he was looking at her, looking at her like she had seen him look at girls a dozen times before. It was unnerving and exciting. She felt like she might explode if he didn't touch her.

She turned to face him licking ketchup off her thumb and her eyes met his.

His eyes doubled in size and she couldn't help but smile. She was really enjoying watching him squirm. It was new, brand fucking new. Last time she saw Dean Winchester she could have grown wings and flew circles around him and he still wouldn't have gave her a second look.

Did it make her a horrible awful person because she was enjoying the way he looked at her. The way his eyes scanned her over, she could feel his gaze lingering on her bare skin.

And she was not this girl, not really. Sure, she dated. She even had a serious boyfriend or two, but none of them were ever special enough to hold her interest for longer than a couple of months. It was like she was looking for something that didn't exist.

"Do you want some more orange juice?" She asks, innocently.

Dean clears his throat and hands her his glass.

She felt like her face was on fire, her whole body was a flame as she opened the fridge. She pulled the gallon of orange juice out just as she hears her mom's old truck pulling into the drive way.

She didn't know whether to be relieved or upset and she was equal parts of both.

Arlene sits a bag of groceries on the table and eyes her daughter. "I know you didn't cook this..."

She could hear Dean chuckling from the other room and it made her want to punch him.

"Actually doofus did, but it was my idea and I made the eggs."

He came strolling into the room, a smirk on his face.

Smug bastard. She wants to smack him.

"I really have tried to teach her," Her mother began telling him. "I don't know what it is but she just cant cook."

"I can to-" she argues, "just certain things."

"Like cereal?" Dean asks, rinsing his plate off in the sink.

Arlene smiles and tugs on a piece of Lila's hair playfully.

She swats her hand away. "You two really aren't funny at all."

Dean starts washing the dishes in the sink and her mother's gaze meets hers. She can tell what she is thinking, it was just something that the two of them could always do, communicate without speaking. Lila looks away from her mother's all knowing eyes and finishes her glass of orange juice. She starts putting groceries away and trying to ignore the way her mother was watching her.

She could see right through her, she always could.

...

Arlene had her own opinions of the Winchesters. She loved them, don't get her wrong. She thought of Sam and Dean as her own kids once upon a time. But her and John had a tough past. She met him for the first time back in 86' she had a two year old and all kinds of baggage. Her mother ran a charm shop in Louisiana and Arlene took over it after she passed. She was no stranger to hunters and she could spot them from a mile a way. Sometimes she even thought she could smell them. Whiskey and gun powder and blood. Her nose wrinkled at the scent.

But John Winchester walked into her store and first thing he did when he saw little Lila playing in her playpen was smile.

"I got two kids myself." He said, patting her dark curls.

She smiled, and stepped out from behind the counter. "What can I help you with?" She could tell he was new to this life, it was something she could sense just by looking at him.

"I'm looking for a book."

"Library is two blocks over..."

He smirked, and weren't all Winchester's famous for their smirks?

"Missouri sent me, she said you could help."

She touches his hand, and his eyes flutter open. "You're a life save Arlene."

"Angel on earth, yeah I know the spiel, save your energy Winchester."

He smiles and Arlene begins hooking him up to a blood transfusion. "Do you know how many favors I had to pull to get all of this?"

He chuckles. "Thanks darlin'."

"You lost someone." She says in a quiet voice, looking up from her glass of whiskey.

John nodded.

She took a long drink of her whiskey and turned her radio down. He reached for the bottle same time as she did and their fingers brushed together.

"How can you tell?"

"Your eyes."

"I thought you might be psychic."  
Arlene laughed, she hadn't been called psychic in a long time. Her abilities were a lot stronger when she was younger, before she had Lila. Now mostly all she got was feelings and moods. She hadn't decided which one was more stressful. "I'm just intuitive."

John smirked and she thought, my God, he has to stop looking at me like that.

"I want to find the thing that killed my wife. I want to keep my boys safe. It's all I have..."

She nodded, completely understanding what he was saying. She knew vengeance well, she knew that helpless feeling of not being able to do something, anything to make yourself feel better.

"Believe me when I say this John Winchester, revenge always comes at a price."

...

He is almost half asleep on the couch when he hears the front door open. He raises up, and reaches for his knife on the coffee table. Then he hears her laughing.

He peeked out the window and watches a red Camero pull out of the driveway. They guy driving peeled out and sent the gravel flying behind him. Dean knew that she was an adult now, she had pointed that out to him three times since he's been here, but he just couldn't stomach the fact of her actually out with a guy.

He wasn't jealous. Not really. He was just feeling protective over her, she was like his little sister after all.

She is sitting on the counter, looking down into a bag of Doritos when he walks into the kitchen. She had on a short blue jean skirt and a barely there tank top. Her flannel is thrown over the back of one of the kitchen chairs. Her dark hair is so shiny and he just wants to touch it, run his fingers through it. It was maddening. And he can't help but stare at her, she is just...

Beautiful.

"Hi." She says licking her thumb. _Did she have to do that so seductively?_

"Are you drunk?" He asks her with a chuckle.

She shook her head. "Not as drunk as I was thirty minutes ago."

He nods, taking a bottle of water from the fridge and handing it to her. "What were you drinking? Wine coolers?"

She scoffs and takes the bottle of water from him with a humph. "Don't do that."

He raises his eyebrow innocently.

"Don't talk all condescendingly to me Winchester."

He held his hands up in defense. "Sorry. I was trying to be funny."

"Well you're _not_ funny."

Dean laughs. "I think I'm hilarious."

Lila rolls her big brown eyes and starts chewing on another Dorito. "Can you keep a secret?"

He nods, reaching into the bag to pull a chip out for himself. He chews on it thoughtfully, it really depended on the secret. "Sure."

"I didn't go out with my friends tonight, well I mean I didn't go to a party or something."

Dean leans in closer. "Where did you go?"

"I went on a hunt."

"Who's the guy?"

Lila laughs. "Does it matter?"

"It does if he is taking you hunting, what do you even know about him?"

She opens the water bottle and takes a long drink. "You gonna narc on me?"

Dean runs his hand through his hair, she slides off the counter and takes a step towards him. He can see the black lace on her bra peeking out from under her almost sheer tank top. "I'm not a narc."

"If I didn't know any better I would think you were jealous."

And just as she says it someone flips the light switch on in the kitchen. Dean steps away from her and looks towards Arlene who is standing in the doorway eyeing them both.

"Lila Jane Dawson, it is almost four in the morning."

She sighs. "I didn't know I had a curfew."

Arlene lets out a noise and Dean tries to slip out of the kitchen. "And you!" She says pointing a finger at him. "Why are you up? Have you been drinking too?"

"No ma'am."

"Good. I didn't want to have to kick your ass for contributing to a minor."

He fights the urge to smirk.

"Go to sleep little girl. I will deal with you when you are sober."

Without protest Lila walks towards the stairs.

"Oh no," Arlene says, grabbing the back of his shirt. "You park it. I wanna talk to you."

He gulps. "What did I do?"

She turns the coffee pot on and gets a cup down from the cabinet. She eyes him, her blue eyes seem to be looking right through him and he knew Arlene was a little bit psychic, but he never really seen her use her ability on him. "You think I'm blind?"

"I'm not sure what you mean."

She taps her fingers on the counter, he nails are painted bright red. "She's a little messed up right now, my daughter. I don't think she is really thinking straight and she has never really been able to when it came to you..."

"You're talking about me and Lila?" And when he says it out loud it sounds kind of silly.

"I can see the way you look at her."

Dean had to look away from her because honestly he felt like a piece of shit. Lila was a kid and just because she didn't look like one still didn't mean he could think of her as anything else. What did he expect to happen? It wasn't like the two of them could ever be together.

"I'm not saying that its necessarily a bad thing, I am just saying that I want something more for her, I don't want her to have the life I had. I want her to have a family and a career and a fucking dog or whatever is considered normal any more."

"Don't worry, I'm not going to... I'm not going to act on these feelings."

Arlene smiles, and she pours herself a cup of coffee. "Maybe in another life, a different time..."

And he was thinking that same exact thing.

-Okay that is chapter one; two should be posted some time real soon! Thanks for reading :)


	2. Something Awful

SPN; Fighting For Nothing

By: Paraflymore

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do not own Supernatural and if I did I would be way nicer to them all.

Summary: Most times it was just a feeling...

Fighting For Nothing

Chapter Two: "Something Awful"

 **"** **I** know what you did." Arlene says, sliding a cup of coffee towards her daughter. She eyed the cup, her mother had made it just the way she likes it. But Lila could not bring herself to drink it.

"I thought you didn't use your powers on me?"

She scoffs, she hated for her abilities to be referred to as _powers_ , it made her feel like a science project or something. "I don't have to be psychic to tell what you've been doing. I am not a complete moron you know?"

Lila took a small sip of coffee. "So am I in trouble?"

"As much as I want to wring your pretty little neck, no. What can I do to you? You're eighteen, you're going to do what you want."

Lila nods. "I'm not going to Duke."

Arlene pinches the bridge of her nose in frusteration. She takes a deep breath. It's taking everything inside her not to strangle her daughter. "So. You gonna be a hunter? You gonna live in cheap motels and get drunk at sleazy biker bars for the rest of your life?"

"You know that's not all there is to it."

"Yeah, I am leaving out all the gory details."

Lila scoffs. "What do you expect? I know whats out there, I can't just live a normal life and pretend it doesn't exist, you never could."

 _She really did have her on that one._

"I jut want better for you Lila. You are my daughter, my only daughter and I want something good for you. I want you to be happy."

"And what if hunting makes me happy?"

Arlene turns around away from her, she grips the counter tightly. "You are going to be the death of me Lila Jane."

She smiles and takes a drink of coffee. "I love you momma, I know you just want what is best for me but I can't be something that I'm not."

"When did you get so smart huh?" She asks, turning around to look at her.

"I got it from you."

She kisses her head and smooths down her dark hair. It scared her, thinking about her daughter out there hunting. It scared her because she knew that if Lila chose this path that it would lead her to her death. But if she tried to stop her it would just drive them apart. She knew she could not live without her little girl. Even if it meant letting her self destruct.

...

Dean is taking advantage of the down time. His father was usually on him about keeping the Impala clean, both inside and out. So he was washing her down really good. Arlene even had a shot vac that he was using on the floor boards. It was cathartic, and he was clearing his mind as he cleaned up his baby.

It was a nice day, not too hot even for a Georgia summer day. The radio was up loud so he didn't hear her until she tapped him on the shoulder.

"You want a beer?"

She had on a pair of daisy dukes, and a floral print tank top that was flowing in the wind.

"I thought you had stuff to do today?" He asks, taking the beer from her.

"I do."

He took a long drink of the beer and looks out at the road. "Waiting on someone?"

She nods. "Yeah, actually I am."

"Is it the Camero guy?"

Lila shakes her head and looks down at the ground with a smile playing on her lips. "Wouldn't you like to know..."

He nods. "Yeah, that's why I asked."

She shakes her head and her long hair does this slow motion thing around her face and she looks like something out of a dream. "Do you ever do anything fun?"

"Fun is my middle name..."

"I thought it was Alexander?"

He chuckles. "How do you remember that?"  
Lila smirks and shrugs him off. "Do you wanna come to a party with me Winchester?"

No. Yes. Was there a right answer to this question? "Thanks, but I don't think your mom wants us hanging out."

"What?"

He sighs. "I think she thinks I am a bad influence on you or something..."

Lila scoffs. "Well sometimes my mother is clueless."

He takes a long drink of his beer and looks over at her. "Shouldn't your friend be here soon?"

"Yeah." She turns around to walk away, trying to hide the look of disappointment on her face, but he saw it, and it made him feel like shit. He didn't want to hurt her, in fact it was the farthest thing from what he wanted to do. But he knew when Arlene Dawson meant business and he knew that she wanted him to stay far away from her daughter.

And that was exactly what he was going to do.

…

"Whats with the sour-puss face?"

Lila looks over at her friend Clay aka the Camero guy. He had picked her up about an hour ago and she was still in a post-Dean funk. She just couldn't shake this feeling, this sadness, knowing that all those things she had been feeling were one sided.

Weren't they always one sided?

Hadn't it always been that way with the two of them?

Yeah.

She just thought this time might be different.

Clay slung his arm over her shoulder and pulled her closer to him in the booth. He wasn't really her boyfriend, and sometimes they weren't even really friends, they just liked to hook up and he was stupid enough to hunt with her. It was kind of a win-win.

"I'm just tired." She says, trying to scoot away from him with no avail.

"I got us another gig, you wanna hear about it or you wanna pout?"

She sighs, leaning on her elbows on the table.

Clay's friend Mark was at the counter getting their food. He was Clay's sidekick and usually tagged along with them on hunts. He was kind of a doofus, but he had a very nice ass and that made him okay in Lila's book.

"I think it's a werewolf."

"What makes you think that?" She asks, chewing on the end of her straw.

"The lunar cycle for one."

Lila nods. "You are like a genius or something Clay."

He eyes her, his dark blue eyes seething as he looks at her. "I can't tell whether you are being a bitch or not."

"I'm always a bitch, remember?" She slid around the booth and he grabs her arm, stopping her from moving.

"Seriously, what has gotten into you? Or is it lack of things that have gotten into you? Do you need a quickie or something to cheer up?"

She snatches her arm away and resists, with everything inside of her not to dump her drink over his head. "Fuck you." Lila gets up from the booth, pushing past Mark without so much as acknowledging him. She bust through the back door of the diner and felt the sweltering heat hit her like a punch in the gut.

She wants to run away, and this feeling of suffocation had gotten stronger and stronger the past few weeks. It started even before the Winchesters showed up again. Lila just had a feeling that her life wasn't here in this place anymore, it was out there, and she wanted to find it more than anything.

The door behind her flung open and she half expects it to be Clay and she is working up her best insult when she sees Mark.

He was so different than his friend.

Light in all the ways that Clay was dark. He was kinder, more gentler. Most times Lila wondered why she didn't end up with him instead.

Oh right, because you have a thing for bad boys...

"You alright?'

She nods. "I just needed some air."

Mark smirks. "He's a fucking asshole, I know."

Lila steps closer to him. His blond hair is hidden under a Roll Tide hat and his smile is the kindest thing he has seen all day. "I don't know what I see in him, I think it's his car."

He laughs. "Or the fact that he takes you hunting."

"It's probably that." Lila crosses her arms over her chest.

"Look your food is gonna get cold, come and eat and we'll make a game plan for this gig, okay?"

She nods and follows him inside. She eats her burger and fries without so much as looking at Clay. Yeah her mind drifted back to Dean, as it had been doing for the past few days he had been around. She's thinking that she was perfectly fine before he showed up. She thinking that she is silly for believing that he could see her as anything other than a kid.

She was stupid for still thinking about him.

"So we head out tonight, you ready Lila?"

She nods, finally looking up at him.

…

Arlene was humming softly to the radio while she cleaned up the living room. John was sitting back in the recliner listening to her. It was nice, being in this house again. Even if he was pretty banged up.

Dean had been outside most of the day, he cleaned his car out. He even cut Arlene's grass. John knew something was up when he volunteered to do it himself.

"What's going on with my son?"

Arlene smiles and looks over at him. "Why are you asking me?"

"You're the all knowing psychic."

She smiles. "He's trying to stay busy, you know what they say about idle hands."

"You really are a bad liar Arlene, you always have been."

Her gray blue eyes land on him and he smiles. She really was a sight to behold. He never got tired of looking at her. "It's about Lila huh?"

"Guess I am not the only intuitive one."

He smirks. "He didn't try anything did he?"

Arlene shook her head. "No. Not yet. I just knew he would."

John lets out a painful breath.

"Lila isn't innocent in the whole thing either. She has had a crush on him since she was seven, but that's all besides the point."

"Did you see something? Something about the two of them?"

Arlene sat down on the couch opposite of him, she tucked a piece of dark hair behind her ear. "I haven't had a vision in almost ten years, it took me a while to realize that I wasn't actually dreaming. But I saw it, the two of them. It doesn't end pretty."

John let out a breath.

"What was your vision?"

Arlene drew in a sharp breath. "It kills both of them."

…

Lila changed into a pair of jeans quickly, hopping around her room as she pulled them up. She had less than an hour to get ready before Clay and Mark took off for Decatur without her. She had never hunted a werewolf before and the prospect of what was to come was both exciting and scary.

She tied her boots up quickly.

Her bag of hunting gear was sitting on her bed, she usually kept in the back of her closet away from her mother. But what was the point in hiding it now? Her mom had called her bluff on the hunting thing.

Someone knocked on her door.

"Come in." She says, pulling her comforter over her bag to keep it hidden.

 _Old habits die hard._

Arlene smiles at her from the doorway, she is holding a box of pizza and the smell makes her mouth water.

"Peace offering." She says, stepping into her room with a smirk.

She resists the urge to smile. "I already ate."

"Since when do you say no to pizza? Are you sick?" She asks, making herself comfortable in her desk chair. She opens the box and the smell intensifies.

"I'm going out with some friends."

"On a hunt?" She asks with that all knowing mother smile.

She puts her hand on her hip and eyes her mother. "I thought you wasn't going to try to stop me?" Lila reaches for a slice of pizza and ignores her mother's look of satisfaction.

"I am just talking."

"You got that look." She says, wiping grease from her lips with the back of her hand. "What's going on?"

"I just thought we could have a movie night."

"I already have plans, sorry."

Arlene let out a breath. "Don't go."

"What?"

"I know I said I wasn't going to try and stop you but I don't think you should go. I just have a bad feeling about tonight."

She scoffs. "You always have a bad feeling. It's called anxiety and I really think you should start taking your medicine again."

Her mother was not amused.

"I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself. Trust me." Lila says, pulling her comforter back to expose her bag of weapons.

"Just promise me you'll be safe?"

Lila kissed her mom, sitting her slice of half eaten pizza back into the box. "Promise."

…

Arlene Dawson was not one to ignore these type of feelings. This gnawing ache, almost as if she was going to be sick. It was the worst part of her abilities, these spells where she was scared of her own shadow. It felt like she was completely out of control.

She drops her coffee cup and it shatters to pieces at her feet.

"You okay?" Dean asks, coming into the kitchen from outside. He was tuning her car up. She always liked having them around because she got them to fix things for her. But she knew why Dean was trying to stay so busy.

And she almost felt bad about it.

"I'm just..."

A horn honked outside and Arlene felt like she was going to be sick again. She had half a mind to drag Lila by the head of her hair and lock her in her room.

But...

"I need you to follow her."

Dean raises his eyebrow. "Huh?"

"Lila. I want you to tail her, make sure she's safe tonight."

"You're joking right?"

She grabs his arms and defies the urge to shake him. "Do I look like I am joking?"

"Okay." He says slowly. "I'll follow her."

Arlene grabs him again, this time taking his hand. "Something awful is going to happen to her tonight. I can just feel it."

"Don't worry Arlene. I got her."

…

Tailing wasn't exactly his favorite thing to do. It was boring and time consuming and he was really looking forward to a shower and a cold beer.

But something about the look in Arlene's eyes scared the shit out of him.

He couldn't even fathom the thought of something awful happening to Lila.

Camero guy could not drive to save his life, and Dean was wondering if he was actually drunk or if he was just an idiot.

He was betting on the latter.

They drove for about an hour, and when they turned onto a dark backroad Dean turned his lights off and turned with them.

At this point he didn't care if they noticed him following them. He was just ready to bust the party up. Whatever the hell they were doing out here in the middle of nowhere was not something he wanted to stick around and deal with.

"Lila what the hell have you got yourself into?"

…

She turns the radio down and sighs. "Will you watch the damn road Clay?"

He chuckles. "I am going the speed limit."

She rolls her eyes.

"How far is this cabin?" Mark pipes in from the backseat.

"Cabin?"

"Yeah the full moon isn't til tomorrow night, we are camping out."

She sighs. "You didn't tell me all of this."

Clay reaches over and squeezes her leg. "Come on babe it will be fun."

"My mom is gonna flip her shit."

He laughs at her and it's sort of a condescending laugh, like she is a stupid kid.

Mark reaches between them and turns the radio back on. Both of them had the worst taste in music, too loud rap or too loud rock. It was blasphemy.

She tries really hard not to be mad. She was out of the house and away from everything that had put her into this slump. But the more she thought about her mom the more worried she became. Something was just off about her, something was wrong.

Lila was beginning to think that she shouldn't have left at all.

…

They parked the car and Dean watches them from his cover in the woods. He had parked the Impala a reasonable distance away from the small cabin and trekked back to watch. He liked his odds if something went wrong. One of the guys she was with was kind of little. Skinny little dude with a backwards baseball cap. He would be no problem. The other one was bigger, but he seems kind of dumb. He was still not impressed with Camero guy. He had crap taste in cars and music. He could faintly hear the music drifting from inside the cabin.

Lila was fiddling with her phone.

He was betting she had absolutely no signal because he was in the same fucking boat.

It all seemed completely innocent really, besides the Deliverance vibe he was getting, these guys seemed completely harmless.

But he couldn't turn around. He couldn't go back to Arlene until he was sure that Lila was okay.

He just wished he brought some snacks.

…

"Stupid son of bitch." Lila yells, tossing her phone on the coffee table.

"Such nasty words for a pretty girl." Clay says.

"Fuck off."

He smirks. "Later babe."

"Okay." Mark says, "are you two finished?"

Lila leans back on the couch, crossing her arms over her chest. "I can't believe you guys didn't tell me that we were staying the night."

"Do you wanna leave princess?" Clay asks as he unzips his bag. He pulls out a bottle of whiskey and hands it off to Mark with a satisfied grin. "Because we are about to party."

"Fuck it," she says. "Make me a drink."

She was drunk, and she was trying to ignore the fact that she had only had a drink and a half. Her tolerance was usually through the roof. She was sitting on Clay's lap and he was kissing softly down her neck and she was enjoying it, probably a little too much. Mark had disappeared somewhere but Lila barely noticed.

"I can't do this right now."

Clay chuckles, tightening the grip he had on her. "Come on..."

Lila let him kiss her a little more, letting herself get lost in the warming feeling spreading through her entire body.

A little voice in the back of her head kept whispering, kept telling her that she shouldn't be this drunk yet.

Then she saw headlights flash across the window and she pulled away from Clay with a start in her chest. "Who's here?"

"The rest of the party."


	3. Bad Moon Rising

SPN; Fighting For Nothing

By: Paraflymore

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do not own Supernatural and if I did I would be way nicer to them all.

A/N: Forgive me for the cliffhanger. I saw the opportunity and I went with it.

Summary: It was no where near over.

Fighting For Nothing

Chapter Three:

"Bad Moon Rising"

 **They** had been tracking this pack of this case for almost a year. It was day in and day out staring at the pictures of the mutilated women. The trail of bodies they left across the south had been one of the worst things John Winchester had seen in his career as a hunter. It was turning into something that was gaining nationwide attention, he had been dodging real FBI agents for weeks. But what the news was calling a serial killer was actually a pack of werewolves.

When Pastor Jim first called him to take on the case last September, he had jumped right on it because it all seemed so cut and dry.

But here he was eight months later still chasing the same trail and it was usually a cold one.

Then by some dumb stroke of luck he and Dean had stumbled upon the alpha. They had it chained up in the basement of the house they had been squatting in. The plan was to pump the thing for information before they killed it. But it wouldn't talk, it wouldn't give them anything and then the thing turned and as Dean was loading the silver bullets into his gun and what appeared in front of them was something neither of them had ever expected. A werewolf, bigger and stronger than either of them had expected.

It jumped on John, tearing and ripping and Dean will never forget the way it all sounded. Everything was happening so fast, adrenaline had a way of effecting Dean, made him feel like time was in hyper drive or something. Hours passed as seconds. The short time it took Dean to raise his gun and shoot the thing felt like it happened in one single breath.

And the alpha was dead, sure.

But they both knew that this was just one battle of this war.

…

It took Dean longer than it should have to realize what was happening as he busted through the door. In his heart he knew that Lila was in trouble. He did not have to be psychic to feel it in the air around him. His mind was just somewhere else, he didn't put two and two together until it was too late.

"We've been waiting for you."

He's seen this guys face before, and then it all hits him.

Those pictures of those women that he had ingrained into his brain, the string of murders, the werewolf pack.

"You look a little lost sport," he says, the sinister smile spreading across his lips. He walked closer to him and just for good measure Dean shoots him, right in the gut. The bullet stunned him for only a second and then his eyes turned a bright, burning yellow.

"That clears things up." He says, letting out a deep breath.

He smirks. "We knew that you would follow her, but we didn't expect you to show up so quickly. I honestly thought I was going to have to do the whole kidnapping thing and make a phone call to tell you my demands but look at you, you made it easy for us."

"Clay," Lila says, trying to stand up off the couch. One of the guys knocks her back down and Dean resists the urge to lunge at him.

"You want me, let her go she has nothing to do with this."

Clay shakes his head, "Oh, no. this is going to be so much more fun this way."

Two of the goons grab his arms and his gun goes flying across the floor. It was pretty much useless to him anyways. His eyes go to Lila, who is still laying lifelessly across the couch. They hit him over the back of the head with something and darkness pulls at the edges of his vision, pulling him under he wonders how he is going to get them both out of this...

…

Lila's scream seemed to echo through the small cabin as Dean collapsed to the floor. He came out of freaking no where, and he walked right into their trap. Her mind was racing, these past few months with Clay, all that time, he was a werewolf, and she had managed to be the fucking bait.

Just her luck.

Mark was cleaning up Clay's blood off the floor, and the other goons were tying Dean to a chair. Clay came over and sat next to her on the couch, he reaches for her hand but she snatches it away. "Don't touch me."

"Come on baby, don't be like that."

"Fuck you."

"We'll save that for later baby." He brushes his hand up her leg squeezing her hard. It takes everything inside her not to hit him, and she is pretty sure if she tried she would be tied up just like Dean and she needs to avoid that at all costs. She was their last chance to get out of here.

Clay got up from the couch and turns to face Dean. Lila's eyes scan over the room and find her duffle bag sitting in the corner by the fireplace, less than five feet from where she was now. Nobody knew about her gun, her father's gun that she had loaded with silver bullets before she left the house.

And she plans on keeping it that way.

He reaches for Dean, and slaps him across the face to wake him. Dean stirs and looks up at him with a vengeful smirk. "You got me."

"I do." Clay chuckles. "And you made it so easy for me."

"Let me guess, you're some bitch beta and I killed you big daddy werewolf and your a little upset..." that earned him a punch right in the nose. Lila tries not to make a noise but she swears she heard something crack.

Dean spits blood on the floor. "Is that all you got for me scooby?"

Lila sighs, leaning up from he couch. They were all so occupied with Dean, she wonders if she could get to her bag without being noticed... Mark was sharpening a knife in the corner and the other flunkies were gathered around Dean and Clay all of them were waiting for him to do somehting.

"You did me a solid actually. I was next in line after Abel, you killed him and it made me the alpha."

"You really want it by default? Is it even worth it anymore?" He punches him again, and Dean groans.

Mark made his way over to them, holding the knife out to Clay. Lila knew that she had to move, and she had to do now or she would miss her window of opportunity...

She decides halfway through that crawling over to her bag would be the easiest method since her legs felt more like jello when she tried to stand on them. Lila draws in a deep breath, pulling herself towards the corner, towards their only chance. Her father once told her that when your life is on the line it paid to stay focused and calm.

Her breathing was steady.

Lila knew she only had one chance.

Her fingers curled around the cool metal of the gun, Clay raises the knife over his head, she unlocks the safety.

One shot.

The sound of the gun going off was music to her ears. She hit him right in the heart and he crumbled, something like a whine escaping his lips. The knife fell to the floor with a thud.

And everything happened so fast after that...

Mark was the first one to notice her, and when he stepped towards her she fired again, and the bullet hit its target in perfect timing. He fell to the ground and one of the bigger flunkies approached her with the knife, growling at her with yellow eyes.

She was not afraid of them anymore.

Now she had the upper hand, and she liked her odds.

Another shot, and she let out a sigh of relief when he fell to the floor, landing over top of Clay's body. The two left seemed to approach her in slow motion, one of them was snarling and snapping at her like a rabid dog and the other one watched her with fearful eyes.

"Untie him." She commanded, "Now."

"You don't scare me with that gun sweetie." The rabid one says.

Lila shrugs, pulling herself up on her jello legs. "Well you're a lot dumber than you look." She aimed the gun at him, and his eyes went wide. Without blinking she fires the gun, and Old Yeller falls to his knees dramatically. He coughs up blood, spitting curse words at her. But she had no more time to revel in the moment. One of them was left, and Lila knew she was not in the clear yet.

"You snuck up on us little girl."

"I'm not a little girl."

It smirks. "You know, Clay had been casing you for months. You were going to be our next recruit. You see things are getting bad for us, our pack size was dwindling and we needed to find mates."

Her stomach turns and she thinks she is going to be sick. "Well look how well it all turned out."

Its laugh sent a chill down her spine. "There are more of us, don't think that this is all over if you kill me. They will find you..."

"Bring it on, I have plenty more silver bullets." She shoots him and he clutches at his chest. His eyes turn slowly back to normal and he falls to the floor, joining his friends. Lila makes her way over to Dean, she picks the knife up from the floor and cuts the ropes off his hands. She doesn't realize her hands our shaking until he catches a hold of one of them.

"You did good." He tells her in a soft voice.

Lila looks up at him, fighting the urge to smile. "You still think I can't do the job?"

"Eating my words." He brushes his thumb across her knuckles softly. Lila hands him her gun and limps across the room to her duffle bag. The adrenaline was leaving her body and the drugs were back in full effect. She felt like she was going to pass out. Fighting against the darkness she tucks the knife into her bag and hands it to Dean. Then she pick his gun up and tucks it inside.

"I'm gonna pass out." She whispers.

And he catches her, the first of many times.

…

Lila could remember with perfect clarity the first time she realized she loved Dean Winchester. She was eight, and it was one of their first extended visits. By some stroke of luck the they wound up snowed in the small country house with them. It was Dean's fifteenth birthday, and he was bitching and complaining because he didn't want to spend his birthday stuck in this house in the middle of no where. Lila wanted so badly to do something nice for him. So she made him a bracelet from stuff her mom had left over from her charm peddling days. Dark wooden beads with tiny skulls also carved from wood. It was an old tradition to ward off evil spirits, plus it looked really cool.

At least to her.

She remembered being so nervous giving it to him. Her heart was fluttering as she approached him that morning, her hands were shaking as she handed the small package over. She had wrapped it with some leftover wrapping paper and he eyed the blue snowflakes with disdain.  
"Open it," she told him, her voice trembling.  
He shrugged and ripped the package open.  
She waited what felt like an eternity for him to speak.  
"Did you make this?" He asked her, a playful smile on his lips.  
She nodded forgetting how to talk.  
He smirked and slipped the bracelet on his wrist. "Its supposed to keep evil spirits away." She told him, rocking back and forth on her feet.  
"Cool." He said reaching to pat her on the head. "Thanks kid."

...

"You still have that bracelet." She whispers, absently touching his wrist as he helps her into his car.  
"Yeah."  
"Why did you keep it all this time?" She asks in a sleepy voice.  
He buckles the seat belt across her and smoothed the hair out of her face. He didn't know the answer. But something never let him get rid of it.  
"I like it I guess." He whispers.  
Lila smiles and looks up into his eyes. "I worked really hard on that thing..."  
He smirks. "Are you okay? Should I take you to the hospital? I don't know what-"  
"Just take me home." She whispers.  
He nods, slowly closing her door and walking around to his side of the car. He was still in shock that they actually made it out of there alive. He looks back over his shoulder, the small cabin would be nothing but a pile of ashes by morning but he knew it wasn't really over.

He got back to Arlene's in about forty minutes. Both of them were silent the entire time and it made him feel so uneasy. He wasn't even sure why, he just felt like something changed, and he couldn't put his finger on what exactly it was.  
The sound of gravel under the Impala's tires was a relief, and he rushed to her side of the car and helped her out fo the car. Lila wraps her arms around his neck and her hands curls into the neck of his t-shirt. He carries up the driveway that way. Arlene meets them at the door, her eyes are wide as he has ever seen them.  
"What happened? What did they do? I will kill them, I swear to God."  
"It's done." Dean says, looking at Arlene with a sullen look.  
She looks almost confused, but Dean chooses to ignore it until he get Lila safely on the couch.  
Did that all just really happen?  
Arlene touches his face, "keep her awake for me..."  
He nods and she walks off to the kitchen.  
Lila's big brown eyes meet his and she clutches his hand tightly. "You were really brave tonight." He tells her, his eyes drifting towards the kitchen, he heard his dad's voice and he wondered if he should keep holding her hand. She wasn't going to be the one to let go, that was for sure.

"I was petrified." She says.

Arlene comes back into the living room with a glass of water. "Drink this darlin'."

Lila takes a big gulp and her eyes grow wide when she tastes whatever was in the glass. She tries to hand it back to her mom but she pushes it back at her. "The whole thing Lila Jane."

She sighs, turning the glass up to her lips, she downs the glass and Dean hears his father clear his throat.

Their eyes meet and Dean stands up, pulling his hand slowly out of Lila's. He walks over, its so damn good to see him upright, but it is all short lived.

"What the hell happened?"

"It was that pack, the alpha I killed. They tracked us here."

"Son of a bitch."

Dean nods. "Lila killed them all, but I think there are more of them."

"What makes you say that?" John asks, scratching the hair on his chin.

"Just something one of them said, he might have just been trying to scare her but I think they'll retaliate."

John let out a noise. "We shouldn't have came here."

"I didn't know where else to go, you were- you were half dead."

He sighs. "I know."

"I didn't mean to put them in danger."

"Well, we did. Now we have to make sure we fix this mess."

Dean nods. "I'll get the silver."

John pats his back. "You did good. You got her back here safely."

He shakes his head. "Lila saved us, you should have seen her it was kind of amazing."

"Well, she was always a good shot."

…

Arlene was pissed.

And when she was mad you could feel it. She was like a hurricane or tornado, everything around her felt charged with it. Dean had only seen her this mad once before, when she caught him out in the woods behind her house with one of the neighbors granddaughters. She was ready to kill him, and this felt no different than that.

She slammed the dishes into the sink, her hands were soapy and wrinkled from the water. She had been at it for hours, she even pulled down some clean dishes and washed them. Ever since his dad had left to go get some supplies and the rest of their research in Macon he had been listening to her slam things and cuss under her breath.

He wasn't quite sure what to say, because more than likely it would be the wrong thing.

"You want some help?" Dean offers, scooting towards her slowly.

"No." She snaps, slamming the plate into the drainer.

"Arlene," He starts, and she turns around to glare at him, almost making him lose his nerve. "I wanna say that I'm sorry. I'm sorry I got you two mixed up in all this."

She scoffs. "Don't patronize me boy. You know why I'm angry and it isn't because you brought a clan of werewolves down on us."

He was lost.

"You aren't this slow Dean, I know deep, deep down you're smart."

He shrugs.

"You and my daughter."

"Nothing happened-"

"Yet."

Lila comes walking into the kitchen. She had on a pair of old sweatpants and guns and roses t-shirt that looked like it had seen better days. Her hair was piled on top of her head. Arlene clears her throat, because his eyes linger a little longer than necessary.

"What?" Lila asks, looking at the both of them sideways.

"How do you feel today?" She asks, wiping the water on the front of her t-shirt.

"Okay."

Dean leans back against the counter and watches her pour orange juice into a cup. She had spent the whole night throwing up and she looked exhausted. "I have an idea..." She says, looking at him.

"About what?" He asks her nervously.

"About the werewolves."

Arlene started washing the dishes again, slamming them into the soapy water.

Lila eyes her and rolls her eyes. "Have you ever shot a crossbow?"

…

Dean squares up, pointing the bow at the target. Lila chuckles behind him and he turns around to glare at her. "What's so funny?"

"You poke your butt out a little when you aim and it's kinda funny." She put her hand over her mouth to stop the giggling. "Sorry."

He rolls his eyes and turns back around to look at the makeshift target. He shoots the bow and the arrow and hits the edge.

Lila giggles again.

Dean eyes her. "You suck at this whole teacher thing."

She scoffs. "You said you had shot a bow before..."

He shrugs looking at her sideways. "I have, a few times."

"Uh huh." Lila takes the bow from him and loads another arrow into it, she points it at the target, breathing in and out evenly. She shoots it, and her arrow hits the right in the center.

Way to make him feel inferior.

"Where did you learn to shoot?"

Lila smirks, grabbing another arrow from the pile. "My dad taught me. He said that it was a valuable skill to have. Said I could put it on my college apps."

"Speaking of college, are you any closer to your decision on going or not?"

She rolls her eyes. "Did my mother tell you to ask me that?" She loads the arrow in and stares at him.

"No. I am just trying to talk to you." He sighs.

"Is that really what you want to talk about?" She asks, raising an eyebrow.

Dean clears his throat, looking away from her for a second. Was he imagining the way her eyes softened? The way she looked at him, the way it made him feel?

It was all too much.

"Well I'm tired of talking about werewolves."

"I guess there is nothing else..." She hands him the crossbow back, and she moves in behind him, running her hand down his arm to help him aim. "it's not like shooting a gun," she breathes out, her breath tickling his ear. "You have to feel it, you have to will the arrow to hit the target."

He wants to laugh, because she sounds like a fucking hippie or something, but he's too scared to move. He was aware of every part of her, the way her hips pressed into his, and she draws her arm slowly back, making him shiver despite the heat.

"Now, shoot it."

This time it hit the dead center.

Lila claps her hands together, mocking him. "Am I still a bad teacher?"

"Okay, I take it back, you don't suck."

She smiles, holding her hand out for a high five. He hesitates half a second before he gives in. When their hands touch, their eyes meet, and he feels his breath catch in his throat.

He was not imagining it.

Not the way she was looking at him now. The way her mouth quirked up into a smile it was almost like he was teasing him. Like she was enjoying watching him squirm.

"I'm sorry you got mixed up in our mess."

Lila shook her head. "It's not your fault."

Dean scrubs his hand through his hair and takes a step back from her. "You saved us you know?"

She smirks. "You didn't even thank me."

"You are making this really hard you know, I am trying here."

Lila smirks and she crosses her arms over her chest. "Go on."

"I was wrong," He clears his throat. "You're not a kid and you can definitely take care of yourself..."

"Where are you going with this?"

He shrugs. He really had no idea what he was trying to say. But something was clawing its way out of him and he was trying his best to reign it all back in. He knew he would end up regretting saying the things he was trying to say. Lila steps closer to him, and her big brown eyes look up at him it is all he can do to not kiss her.

Those eyes would surely be the death of him.

"I'm just trying to say that I'm proud of you I guess, you did good. I was wrong about you not being able to handle the job."

"That means a lot coming from you." She whispers.

He shifts closer to her instinctively, and Lila tilts her chin up daring him to move in closer.

It was maddening, this space between them.

"Lila,"

She jerks back quickly at the sound of her mother's voice coming towards them. Lila leans back against the fence and Dean fumbles with the bow in his hands.

"You two want something to eat?" Arlene says, looking between the two of them. He doesn't miss the way her eyes linger on him.

"I'm starving." He says, sitting the bow down on the ground between them.

Arlene nods and looks at Lila. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine."

"Well come on, I have BLT sandwiches waiting in the kitchen."

She didn't have to say another word. He made his way towards the house without bothering to see if they were following him. He needs to breathe, he needs to think clearly. And that was fucking impossible when she was looking at him.

He almost kissed her.

He wanted to kiss her so badly, his whole body had been aching to do it.

But he couldn't.

He couldn't cross that line.

If he did, no telling what might happen.


	4. Head vs Heart

SPN; Fighting For Nothing

By: Paraflymore

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do not own Supernatural and if I did I would be way nicer to them all.

A/N: Okay, this story is moving so slow for me, is it moving that way for y'all? Just want y'all to know that this whole verse will go throughout the entire series, and writing the beginning of it is becoming boring for me. But it's important so I will wrap it up in a couple of chapters.

Summary: It will never fail you...

Fighting For Nothing

Chapter Four

"Head vs. Heart"

Smoke curls around her mother's head. Janis Joplin was playing loudly on the radio in the kitchen. She had not seen her mother smoke in years, but it was a stressful time, and Arlene Dawson was always so much more pleasant when she was stoned.

It had been raining for most of the day and they had all been camped out in the house.

John had been on the phone all day, talking with other hunters and trying to find out something about this pack. Dean had been locked in the guest room, and Lila had been trying not to go fucking stir crazy.

Arlene held the joint out to her daughter and Lila stared at it for half a second before she took it.

"I know you used to sneak into my stash." She says, half smiling.

Lila rolls her eyes and takes a long draw. "You never said anything?"

She shrugs. "I figured if you were gonna smoke I should at least let you have the good shit."

The sound of the phone slamming down on the receiver made them both jump. John was standing there scratching his head, looking at them.

Arlene starts laughing and Lila rolls her eyes, handing the joint back to her mom with a huff.

"Some things never change." John says shaking his head at Arlene as Lila makes her way out of the room. She nods and walks towards the guest room. She knocks loudly and opens the door. Dean is flipping through one of her mom's cosmos. She raises and eyebrow and flops down on the bed next to him.

"My mom is stoned."

He chuckles. "I just took this quiz and it says that I am most compatible with a Gemini."

Lila laughs and snatches the magazine from him. "Can we go somewhere?"

No.

"I don't think that would be a good idea."

Lila sighs. "I am going to lose my mind if I have to stay in this house any longer."

"I already lost mine..."

"Well," she says pouting, "lets get a pizza or something. Come on, please?"

And how could he say no when she looks at him like that?

By some miracle Arlene agreed to let them go get some food, as long as they brought her hot wings back. Dean was thinking that she should smoke weed more often when Lila reached over and turned the radio station. "Is classic rock all that you listen to?"

Some twangy country music filled his car and he flipped the station back with a scowl. "Yeah, pretty much."

Lila rolls her eyes. "Are you one of those people who are uncomfortable with change?"

He scoffs. "Where do you come up with this stuff?"

She looks over at him, laughing. "Can I ask you something?"

"Shoot."

She adjusts in the seat so she is facing him, a smile is playing on her lips. "The other day when we were shooting my crossbow, did you want to kiss me?"

Dean almost choked.

"I mean, it sure felt like you wanted to and I can't help but wonder that if my mom hadn't come out what might have happened."

"Lila,"

"Can you please, just for like five seconds pretend that I am just a normal girl."

He sighs. And he knew that he was not going to find a way out of this conversation. It was a long time coming between the two of them. "Its way more complicated than that."

"Why?"

Dean turns the radio down. "Because it just is."

"It doesn't have to be."

"I can't."

Lila lets out a breath, she honestly felt like she was about to cry but she was not about to do it in front of him. "What are you so afraid of?" She asks, "I'm not a little girl and I see the way you look at me, I feel the way you look at me."

He turns onto the main road leading into town. It was about an hour drive into civilization and they had only been driving for ten minutes. "It wouldn't work out between us, and it has nothing to do with the reasons you think."

"Enlighten me then..."

"I'm a mess." He scoffs. "I'm barely fucking holding on, my life is in fucking tailspin."

She nods. "You don't think I get it, that I don't feel out of control too?" Her voice is growing louder. "But I don't feel like that when I'm with you. That has to mean something doesn't it?"

"I'm not that guy," he says. "I'm not some knight in shining armor, I'm not gonna save you Lila. You don't need saving. All I would do is drag you down. What could I give you? What kind of life could we have? It's just a fucking pipe dream and I am just gonna save you the trouble and heartache."

She bites her lip, looking out the window, watching the rain slide down the glass.

He was right.

She did not need saving.

But that didn't make it hurt any less.

…

They got two pizzas and Arlene's hot wings and drove back to the house in silence, the music was the only sound between them. It hurt too much to talk. It didn't really matter anyways.

What else was there left to say.

It was raining hard as they made their way up to the house, Lila held the door open for him and he slipped inside. She was close, close enough to see the raindrops on his eyelashes.

It hurt to look at him.

Dean tucks her hair behind her ear, and he regrets it immediately.

Why was it so hard?

Why did she look up at him like he was something special?

"I'll get some plates." She whispers, disappearing into the kitchen.

Arlene came down stairs smiling at him, her eyes were bloodshot red. She giggles, looking at the boxes. He was glad somebody was having a good time today. "Did you get my hot wings?"

He nods, handing her the bag.

"I am so happy that you didn't forget." She kisses him on the cheek and walks into the kitchen.

His dad was also in the kitchen, he was on the phone, his journal open in front of him. He hadn't stopped researching all day. It was giving Dean a headache.

"I got supreme," he says, patting him on the back.

John nods, putting his hand over the receiver. "Give me five minutes."

Lila opens the box and grabs herself a slice of pizza, she has a bottle of vodka in her hand and no one seems to notice it but him. She turns around quickly and leaves the kitchen.

He doesn't follow her.

It was for the best that he didn't

Dean was getting really tired of doing the right thing.

…

Some times it was nice to just get wasted. Even if she was alone up in her tree house listening to Janis Joplin too loudly. She just wanted to stop thinking, but the more she drank and the louder Janis got the more she thought about him...

It was starting to get old.

Lila was sure now that her and Dean were not going to happen. He made it pretty clear, and she was not one to keep pining over someone, even Dean Winchester. It was not her style to let a guy get up under her skin like this, she was almost embarrassed.

Almost.

 _Well I know that it just doesn't ever seem to matter, baby, Oh honey, when I go out or what I'm trying to do, Can't you see I'm still left here and I'm holding on in needing you..._

Something about the sound of Janis' voice made her feel.

The words she was singing were hitting her hard, and she was beginning to regret her choice in music when the door to the tree house swung open.

Dean looked up at her, his face was hard to read. He was so damn beautiful it hurt, it ached all the way down in her gut. She takes another drink of the vodka and he climbs the rest of the way inside. Lila scoots over on her pallet, making room for him to join her. She hands him the vodka and he takes a long swig.

"Taste like soap."

She laughs, reaching for her bottle back. "More for me then..."

He turns the radio down. "You got a thing for Janis Joplin don't you?"

Lila smirks. "She gets me."

"Oh?"

"I love the sound of her voice, it just takes me there."

"Where is that?"

Lila shrugs and takes a long drink. "Far away from here."

He smirks.

"All my life I have wanted to get away from this place. I hate it, it makes me feel suffocated."

"You know Duke is about four hundred miles away."

"three hundred and forty eight point three miles to be exact."

He chuckles, reaching for the bottle. "You've done your research."

"I have." She takes the bottle back, taking another sip. "I thought that college would be my ticket out of here, but when I got the chance it just felt wrong."

"Because you want to hunt?"

She shook her head. "I'm not smart Dean. I got lucky in high school and I had a few good friends who let me copy off of them. I barely went to class most times. I got into Duke by some stroke of dumb luck."

"Everything happens for a reason."

Lila laughs. "Do you really believe that?"

He nods. "I wish I had that option, I wish I could just run off to school, but I'm stuck in this life."

She reaches for his hand, she laces her fingers with his and looks over into his eyes. "Everything happens for a reason right?"

He didn't know if it was true, but he knew, it never made more sense than it did in that moment.

Lila leans in slowly, her brown eyes staring right into his. He saw a thousand galaxies inside those eyes, and he wanted to get lost in them, even if it meant oblivion.

This back and forth inside his head was at a moot point.

He was done fighting it.

"Dean," her voice is hoarse, barely a whisper.

He reaches for her, catching her cheek in the palm of his hand. She brushes her hair behind her ear.

The line was drawn, did they dare to cross it?

All they heard was a gun shot.

It happened so fast and so suddenly that they both had thought they had imagined it. Then they heard another one.

Lila jumped up first, knocking over the bottle of vodka between them, she flung the door to the tree house open and slid down the rope ladder with little effort. Dean was close behind her, he missed the last two wrungs and fell to the ground gracefully.

She rushes off, grabbing her crossbow on her way back up to the house, her heart was beating so fast in her chest. Everything around her was spinning. She could not form a coherent thought other than getting into the house and making sure her mom was okay.

It was all she could think about.

Another gun shot went off and Lila tore through the back door, aiming her crossbow into the darkness.

Dean came up behind her, touching her back to get her attention.

She looks up at him, and he points towards the living room.

Lila follows behind him, trying to stay as close as possible. Everything was quiet, an eerie kind of quiet that made her sick. She knew something awful had happened, she could just sense it in the air around her.

That's when they heard the sobbing.

Arlene was lying on the living room floor, she was gurgling, choking on something. It took Lila half a second to realize it was blood.

You know that saying, the one where the floor feels like it's been pulled out from under you?

That's how Lila feels as she rushes over to her mom, her crossbow hitting the floor with a thud. John was kneeling over her, touching her forehead, talking to her softly, trying to keep her conscious. The front of her shirt was ripped, and her blood was pooling around her.

It felt like a dream, a nightmare as she took in the scene before her. The front of her mother's shirt was soaked in blood, claw marks over her abdomen.

"Mom." She breathes, sliding up to her on her knees. She tries not to pay attention to the blood, but it was everywhere, soaking the front of her jeans. She drew in a shaky breath.

Her mom's dark blue eyes met hers and Lila knew that this was the last time she would get to talk to her.

"I'm sorry." She whispers, resting her head against her cheek. "I'm sorry for everything."

Arlene raises her hand shakily, she touches Lila's face and with her last breath she said something Lila would never forget.

"Follow your heart darlin' it will never fail you..."

"No, momma, please. Please don't leave me." Lila brushes her hair out of her face and kisses her forehead. "Please. Please."

Someone touches her back, trying to pick her up off the floor but she swats them away, leaning down to bury her face in her neck.

Lila never knew that you could feel so much pain so intensely and still be breathing.

She never thought it was possible.

…

He helps her wash the blood from her hands. She is sitting on the edge of the bathtub and he is scrubbing soap over her hands. She hasn't made a noise since he got her up from the floor. She hadn't even blinked.

Dean was starting to worry.

"Lila?" He says softly, bringing the shower head over to her and rinsing the soap away. The water in the tub had turned pink and he tried not to look at it, tried not to think about who's it was.

She breathes in an unsteady breath. "Is this a nightmare?"

He didn't answer her. No answer was the right one here, so he just kept cleaning her up. He got her a change of clothes from her room, an over sized t-shirt and a pair of pajama shorts. Once he got her cleaned up he helped her get dressed. Looking at her was hard because she looked like a ghost.

All the color had drained from her face, leaving her pale and sickly.

Once he got her dressed she starts getting sick, which causes him to have to get her another shirt.

He almost gets her to bed before she starts crying again.

Lila clings to him, grabbing a hold of his t-shirt and screaming into his chest. "I want to wake up. I want to fucking wake up."

Dean grabs her tightly, he could feel her falling apart right there and he was powerless to stop it all from happening.

"She's dead! She's dead and its all my fault."

…

A/N: Okay so this is the end of part one. I hope I didn't end it too abruptly. I am just really anxious to get to the next part of this story. I should have it posted tomorrow after work. Thank you for reading!


	5. Don't Let Me Fall

SPN; Fighting For Nothing

By: Paraflymore

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do not own Supernatural and if I did I would be way nicer to them all.

A/N: I hope that last chapter wasn't too rushed. I admit I don't feel like it was my best writing... But I am anxious to get to the later chapters in the story and I suck at patience. I also changed the ending a bit, so if you haven't read the newer version, you might want to check it out before this chapter.

Summary: Pain is never permanent.

Fighting For Nothing

Chapter Five:

"Don't Let Me Fall"

 **When** she was a little girl, her momma used to let her stay home from school when it rained. They would spend the entire day in their pajamas listening to her Janis Joplin records and eat up all the junk food in the house. It was tradition. And Lila was laying in her bed watching the rain slide down her window thinking about those days and how she never really appreciated them...

It seemed fitting that it was raining today, the first day she woke up and her momma was gone.

Was she really fucking gone?

It was still hard to believe.

She still had her blood under her fingertips.

Lila got up with a start and busted into the bathroom. She turned the hot water all the way on and waited until their was steam rising from the sink. She took the bar of soap and starts scrubbing, clawing at it, trying to wash it all away.

Someone knocked on the door and Lila told them to leave her the fuck alone.

She did not want to be bothered with anyone.

"Lila."

The sound of his voice seemed to find its way through the noise in her head.

"Open the door, please?"

Without even thinking she unlocks the door and Dean slips inside. His hair is wet and he smells like rain. Lila turns the hot water off and wipes her hands slowly on a towel. He reaches for her hands, they're red and a little sore but his hands are gentle. She doesn't mind him touching her at all.

"I went to check on you and you were gone."

"Did y'all do it yet?"

Dean shook his head. He knew exactly what she meant and he did not want to say it out loud. Everything was ready, they were just waiting for the rain to pass. "I uh- I want you to know that I'm here. I'm here for you."

She looks up at him. "Doesn't matter... you will just take off sooner or later and I'll be alone." Her voice breaks and Dean pulls her into a hug. He wraps his arms tightly around her, trying his best to keep her from falling apart. He knows how she feels, that pain, he's felt it too, he knows what its like to lose your mom.

"I got you," he promises.

…

John Winchester made a promise to a dying woman that he intended to keep, even if it was the last thing he did. Arlene grabbed his hand, covering it in blood, she looked right into his eyes and begged him to keep her daughter safe.

He promised, because what else could he do?

She was like his own daughter.

His eyes drifted to the spot on the floor where Arlene took her last breaths. That ache in his chest found it's way up his throat and he took another long drink of whiskey. He hates himself for not being able to save her. She was just another women he loved that he couldn't save. Another cross to bear, more blood on his hands.

The stairs creak behind him and he looks up to see Dean coming down the stairs. He looks pale and like he's sixteen years old again. It hurt, seeing him like that. John knew his son was a lot like him when it came to guilt and blame and Arlene was another blow to his son.

"How is she?"

"She's getting dressed. She wants to start making calls and stuff..."

John takes another drink. "I don't know how long I can stick around here, I have a few things-"

"I could stay, I could help her arrange things."

He let out a breath.

"Don't."

"Do you really think its a good idea? The two of you?"

Dean shrugs. "Do you?"

John took a long drink. "I think its a bad idea."

He nods, looking up at his father. "I'm pretty sure it is too, but, she needs somebody right now."

"And you?"

"Maybe I need someone too."

…

Lila hung up the phone and looks up from the black book in front of her. Her mother had over three hundred phone numbers written in her journal. Her friends were scattered all over the country, and Lila was getting tired of telling people she was gone.

She thought it might get easier the more she said it, but it was worse. Every time she went to say the words out loud she choked, and tears filled her eyes.

She was done calling people.

Dean slides a cup of coffee towards her. She eyes it before taking a drink, her nose wrinkles up and she scoots it back. "Not enough sugar."

He smirks, "So basically a little coffee with your sugar and creme."

She nods, rubbing her temples. "My head hurts."

"You want some aspirin?"

She shakes her head. "You're creeping me out, being so nice to me. It's fucking weird." She opens the cabinet up under the sink and pulls out a bottle of whiskey. Jim Beam, her mother's favorite. It was from the year Lila was born and her mother had been saving it for a special occasion.

Dean eyes her, watching her take a long drink straight from the bottle.

"To Arlene Beatrice Dawson." She says, holding the bottle out and taking another long drink.

"Beatrice?"

"My grandma was weird." She says laughing.

Dean smiles, it was good to see her happy even if it was short lived.

"She used to tell me that pain was never permanent, but this-" She touches her chest. "feels like it is going to last forever."

"People say all kinds of stuff about death, they'll tell you they're sorry and they will pray for you and all kinds of crap that they think is comforting. It doesn't get better, you just get better at living with it. You wake up one day and its okay, and other days its not. But the good has to outweigh the bad..."

"You don't get enough credit," she says, "you're smart."

He smirks.

"Don't let it go to your head Winchester."

He clears his throat. "I- I'm gonna stick around for a while, if that's okay. Dad has some stuff to take care of in Boston..."

"What's in Boston?"

"I learned to stop asking questions a long time ago."

Lila nods, "So- we'll burn her tonight then?"

He tries not to wince at her words but it is nearly impossible. "If you're ready."

"I will never be ready." She took another swallow. "But it's not up to me."

…

There was a million things that Lila wants to say about her mother, but she could not form the words. She watched with tear filled eyes as her mother burned to ashes. It was hard, probably the hardest thing she would ever have to do, but Lila knew she could handle it.

She was strong.

Weakness did not sit well with her.

Dean was standing next to her, close enough where she could feel him but just far enough away that he wasn't touching her. He had his hands in his pockets and his face was trained on the flames. John was on the other side of the fire, and Lila swears she sees him wipe his eyes a time or two.

It was strange because she was still waiting to wake up, still waiting for all of this to be a dream.

Without even thinking about it she reaches for his hand. Their fingers lace together slowly. It was such a simple gesture, something Lila had done a thousand times before with countless other guys, but something just felt right about holding Dean Winchester's hand.

…

John left early that next day. He told her goodbye, slipped a credit card in her hand and told her to call if she needed anything. He kissed her on the cheek and that was it.

Lila is making a pot of coffee when Dean walks in from helping his dad with his bags. She feels him standing close behind her and when she turns around he is smirking at her.

"Do you want breakfast?"

Lila shook her head. "I'm not really hungry."

He nods, reaching for a cup from the top shelf.

She had the overwhelming urge to go lay in her bed and cry, but that was not an option. She had a million and one things to do before her mom's friends showed up the next day and she did not have time to miss her. "I have to go through all of her things, the things I want to keep, and what I want to give away."

Dean nods, pouring himself a cup of coffee. "I'm ready whenever you are."

Lila sighs, slowly stirring the cream into her coffee. "I don't want to deal with anyone."

"You could tell them not to come."

She shakes her head. "That would be selfish of me... she belonged to them too."

"You don't have to do anything you don't want to do," he touches her arm, running his thumb across her skin.

She smiles up at him but it doesn't touch her eyes. "Are you real?"

His hand creeps further up her arm. "Yeah,"

Was it wrong that she wants to kiss him? That her entire body was aching for it?

Did that make her a horrible, awful person?

"You don't have to be here, nothing is keeping you here..."

Dean's eyes bare into hers, he leans in close, his hand creeping up to tuck her hair behind her ear. "I'm here for you."

"Why?" Her voice breaks and something inside his chest does the same thing.

"Are you gonna make me say it out loud?"

Lila nods.

She needed it spelled out for her.

He sighs, and his forehead touches hers. All Lila can hear is the sound of her heart beating in her chest, and she's wondering if he can hear it too. "I like you... and I have been fighting with myself over it since we showed up here three weeks ago."

It felt like the floor fell out from under her.

She had this dream before too, and she always woke up right at this moment.

"There isn't anything to fight anymore..." His voice is barely a whisper, and it hits her hard in the gut. Like that first hill on a roller coaster, that first drop that sends you flying over the edge. His lips brush slowly over hers, and in that moment the entire world is unveiled behind her eyes. All she can feel is him, he is every where.

Lila reacts in kind, her hand gripping tightly to the front of his shirt, she pulls him in closer, presses her lips hard onto his his.

He was kissing her back to life.

Her mother had a lot of friends. Lila never really realized this until they all start showing up. Some of them Lila hadn't seen since she was a little girl. Some of them she had never met before. The string of exes that made there way through the house was a show all its own.

Then there was Del Larue.

Del was her mom's best friend. They had known each other since they were kids and when Lila saw her walking up her driveway she sprints off towards her, tears already burning her eyes. She was picturing all those nights she sat and listened to them gossip and reminisce about the good ole days while taking shots of whiskey.

"Hello baby." Del says, wrapping her up into her arms.

Lila starts crying, she can't help herself.

"You are more beautiful than the last time I saw you."

Del wipes the tears from her cheeks, her caramel colored skin is shimmering in the sunlight. Lila had always been amazed by the color of her skin. It was almost perfect. "I missed you Del."

"I missed you too sugar." She kisses her cheek. "I hate that its under these circumstances that I'm here."

"I'm just glad to see you." Del tucks her under her arm and they head up towards the house. Dean was standing on the porch watching them.

"Who's this?"

"Dean Winchester." Lila says, giving Del a smirk.

"Well it's very nice to meet you Dean Winchester. I have heard a lot about you," She extends her hand to him, but not for him to shake, for him to help her up the stairs.

Lila shook her head and watches her check him out. Del was not shy about anything, and men were definitely high on that list.

"Honey, that boy has an ass you can bounce a nickel off of."

Lila choked on her coffee, and she reaches across the table to smack Del playfully on the arm. "You're horrible."

"No. I'm an old lady, and it has been a very long time since I have been with a man of his... caliber."

She rolls her eyes.

Dean comes in with the box that Lila had written Del's name on. He sat it on the table and Del smiles up at him like he hung the moon and stars for her. "Thank you Dean."

"You're welcome." He sits down at the table and Del opens the box slowly. Lila can feel her eyes tearing up but she refuses to start crying again.

She pulls out her mother's old yearbook and her eyes meet Lila's with tears in them. "I can't believe that she is really gone..."

Lila nods. She knew that feeling all too well.

"I just talked to her last week on the phone." She brushes her hand across the yearbook.

"What did she say?"

Del smirks, and her eyes shift towards Dean. "Well she said the Winchesters were visiting. She also said that you and her were on the outs..."

Lila traces the rim of her coffee cup. She was chewing on the inside of her cheek to keep from crying. She hated this, hated that she was always on the verge of tears. All it took was one word or a smell or a glance at her mother's picture and she was crying.

It was starting to get old.

"She loved you more than anything."

Lila nods. "I know she did."

This past tense bull crap was getting old too.

"I'm always here for you honey, anything you need, I'm here." She reaches for her hand, giving hers a squeeze. "You are my family."

Lila got up and threw her arms around her neck. She held on to her tightly.

She was not going to cry, she was done fucking crying.

At least for now.

Del left late that night. She made Lila promise to call her if she ever needed her, she made her promise a dozen times actually. She gave Lila a letter that she said she should open when she was ready, but Lila knew she wasn't ready for it yet...

Whatever it was.

She watched her silver Cadillac disappear down the dark country road until she couldn't see it anymore. Her heart was aching, and she clutches the letter to her chest, trying to will the pain away. Her momma told her that pain was never permanent.

But she was starting to wonder, if this ache was going to last forever.

…

She woke up screaming that night, calling out for her mom in muffled sobs. He woke up as soon as she shifted in the bed. He grabs a hold of her and pulls her on his chest, "It was just a dream." He coos, kissing her temple. He could feel her pulse racing.

Lila took a deep breath, trying to breathe steadily. She was still crying and he could feel the front of his shirt getting wet. "No." she whispers. "It happened."

He smooths her hair down, trying to comfort her but he could feel her shaking still.

She draws in another ragged breath. "I can't stand it here anymore..."

"Where do you want to go?" He pressed his lips into her forehead. "I'll take you wherever you wanna go." even if he had to build a fucking rocket ship.

Lila tucks her face into the crook of his neck, her breathing was calm and steady. She was tracing small circles on his chest. "Nevada." She whispers.

"Why Nevada?"

"I've never been to the desert."

He chuckles and runs his hand slowly up her back. "It's just dry and hot."

"Las Vegas."

"You got me there."

"Or maybe somewhere with a beach."

"I hate the beach." He says quickly.

Lila raises up and looks at him like he has lost his mind and it makes him laugh. "Why?"

"Sand gets every where."

"I look really good with a tan." She says, pressing her lips to his.

He touches her cheek, weaving his fingers into her hair, deepening their kiss. "I bet you do..."

"Can we really go somewhere?" She breathes, pulling her lips only inches away from his as she asks it. "Just like that?"

He nods.

She touches her forehead to his. "Take me away."

"Right now?"

She nods. "Yes."

He couldn't tell if she was being serious or not. She smacked his chest playfully and rolls off the bed. "I can be packed in ten minutes..."

And that is how they ended up on the road.

No where to really go, but the possibilities were endless.


	6. Down The Open Road

SPN; Fighting For Nothing

By: Paraflymore

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do not own Supernatural and if I did I would be way nicer to them all.

A/N: Okay; I just wanna thank everyone who is reading, y'all are awesome. I wanted to make this story only a few chapters but it has gotten away from me and developed all on its own. I am also so sorry that this chapter took so long. I am suffering from some serious writers block and as I said before, later chapters and stories in this verse are haunting me! I really want to write them. So I will be trying to wrap this one up soon.

Summary: Some things you cannot outrun...

Fighting For Nothing

Chapter Six:

"Down The Open Road"

The road spilled out in front of them, dark and endless. Lila was buzzing in the passenger seat. She had done some crazy things in her life before, but never anything like this. Just taking off, not looking back. She was not running away, she was running towards something.  
Towards something with him...  
The radio was playing softly in the background, it was a AC/DC song that Lila had never heard before. Dean was humming along to it quietly.  
She didn't expect him to really just hop up like that.  
Without even so much as a destination, but it really didn't matter, as long as they were together.  
"Thank you," she whispers scooting closer to him.  
He smirks, letting her duck her head under his arm. She scratched slowly down his chest and kisses his jaw.  
"For what?"  
"Everything..."  
He let out a breath. He was so new at this, at being with someone this way. He felt like a fucking idiot, like a fish out of water. He just felt like he couldn't breathe when she touched him.  
"Don't get all mushy on me Dawson."  
She chuckles, looking up at him. "What, are you afraid someone will see?"  
He rolls his eyes. "I haven't had much practice."  
"Well I haven't either really."  
"You've had lots of boyfriends..." He says, looking over at her with a smirk.  
Lila laughs. "Well make me sound like a slut or something Winchester."  
He shakes his head seriously. "I didn't mean it like that."  
She nods. "It was never really anything beyond the physical stuff."  
"Physical?"  
She rolls her eyes. "Don't pretend like you think I'm some saint or something."  
"Neither am I."  
"How many women have you been with?" She asks, crossing her arms over her chest.  
"That's a trick question."  
"No," she turns the radio off and sits up in her seat. "Its just a question."  
"You won't like my number."  
"Seven." She says, looking up at him with serious eyes. "I mean, you know that's just the home runs."  
He sighs. He really did not want to have this conversation with her, not at fucking all.  
"I'm digging my own grave here but, my number is about four times that."  
"Twenty four?"  
"Twenty six." he coughs out, unable to meet her eyes.  
Lila laughs. "You get around huh?"  
"Shut up."  
"I knew your number would be up there. I was honestly expecting you to be somewhere in the high thirties..."  
"Well you know I only counted the home runs."  
She laughs. "Can I ask you another question?"  
"Sure..."  
"Why haven't you tried to get me up to bat yet?"  
Womp.  
There it was, it was burning in the back of his mind too.  
He stares out at the road for a long time, mulling it over. Lila watches the muscles in his jaw working.  
"I want to, believe me. I just don't wanna jump the shark."  
"The shark wants to be jumped." She tells him with a smirk.  
He scoffs. "Don't say stuff like that to me,"  
Her hand creeps up his leg slowly. He draws in a ragged breath.  
"I just don't see why we should rush it." He's saying, but he doesn't recognize his own words.  
Waiting, was not exactly in Dean Winchester's vocabulary. Especially when it came to girls; girls with their hands dangerously close to his junk.  
"Because we are both consenting adults, that's why." Her lips tickle his ear, and it sends shivers down his spine.  
He laughs and it is a nervous kind of laugh. Lila has never really seen him this nervous before, not many things made the great Dean Winchester twitch.  
She didn't expect that she would be the thing to do it either.  
"Lila." He catches her hand, gently pushing it away from his zipper.  
She is smiling ear to ear when his eyes meet hers. "You're starting to give me a bit of a complex here, any other guy would have already pulled over."  
He swallows the lump in his throat. "I'm not screwing you on the side of some back road Lila Dawson."  
She nods, looking back out at the road. It was a sweet gesture, but it was completely beyond her. "You're sweet."  
He scoffs. "Don't tell anybody..."

He watches her with hooded eyes as she slips off her jeans, her long, tan legs were certainly a site to behold. She had on a pair of fucking lacy underwear that he was pretty damn sure should be illegal. He was not prepared for her to take off her fucking clothes in front of him.  
"You look a little pale." She says, sliding onto the huge bed. She stuck her ass out and flips her hair over her shoulder.  
She was teasing him.  
And she was damn good at it...  
"Well I've been driving for five hours."  
She smirks. "I know a sure fire way to relax."  
He nods, tossing his bag onto the bed. He was so beyond keeping himself in check, and honestly why should he? It wasn't like he was doing something wrong... Or was he?  
His head was just so fucked up over this.  
Lila wasn't just some chick, and he was so afraid that if he went there with her, he would never be able to go back.  
"Dean," She says his name softly, rolling over in the bed to touch his hands. "I know that you think that you're doing me some kind of favor by being a gentleman or whatever it is your doing but..."  
He touches her cheek, looking deeply into her brown eyes.  
How was it possible for her to look up at him like that? Like he was something special. Because he didn't deserve to be looked at that way.  
"I've wanted you for so long..."  
Dean presses his lips to hers, swallowing her words. She was too good for him and he knew it. But there was something about the way it felt to kiss her, something about the way his chest opened up when she said his name, the way he wanted to spill all his fucking secrets when he looked into her dark eyes.  
It couldn't be real.

But it was.

Lila pulls his shirt slowly off, sliding her hands over the muscles in his back. She pulls him in tightly, kissing down his neck. Her fingernails dug into his flesh and he let out a sigh that was almost embarrassing.

"I want you..." She breathes, her voice fluttering through his rib cage.

He wants her too.

His hands skimmed under her shirt, touching the soft skin on her stomach. His fingers crawl up her skin, and Lila's mouth finds his, surging into him like waves hitting the shore.

She starts unzipping his pants and he loses his nerve.

This was Lila.

And he was no good for her.

Hadn't he heard it half a dozen times the past month. He was the reason her world was fucking falling apart, he was the reason her mother was dead.

Without warning he pushes himself up and off of her, his head spinning the whole time. He couldn't fucking breathe and his chest hurt something awful.

But he knew that he couldn't do this.

"Dean,"

He's shaking his head, reaching for his shirt that had landed on the floor.

"Dean, talk to me."

"I need some air."

Lila raises up, but he's already grabbing his keys, already going for the door, he slams it shut behind him. "What the fuck Dean?"

He barely hears her through the door, all he can hear is the blood rushing through his ears. He needs to go, he needs to get far away from her. Far enough to clear his head.

...

Lila slides slowly down the door.

She doesn't chase after guys, even if they are Dean Winchester.

Whatever his fucking problem was he was going to have to figure it out, and she was going to let him.

Maybe, she's thinking as she's flipping through the channels on the old TV that all of this with him was too good to be true. Maybe it was just a matter of time before he realized that, and maybe that was why he bolted.

She knew he was coming back, the idiot left his bag and his wallet behind so he couldn't really go too far. Besides, he wouldn't just leave her here, he was an asshole, but he wasn't an idiot.

Hours.

Three and a half to be exact Lila waited for him to come back, flipping aimlessly through the channels and pacing back and forth on the floor. She is almost considering to go look for him when the door flies open.

He was drunk.

She could tell that just by looking at him. He staggers in the door, almost knocking over one of the chairs. She bit her tongue to keep from laughing.

"Have fun?"

He shook his head. "I'm losing my mind."

"Yeah?"

He reaches for his bag and pulls out a bottle of whiskey. He fumbles with the lid but finally manages to get it off. She watches him, half interested in what he's doing. He was acting like a fucking child and she was not going to humor him.

"I don't do this."

"Yeah..."

"I'm not this guy. I can't be this guy."

Lila turns the TV off. "Okay. Don't be him then." She pushes his chest. "I never fucking asked you to be him."

He grabs her wrist. "It's all my fault. Everything bad that's happened to you..."

She nods. "Does it make you feel any better to believe that?"

He takes another long drink.

Lila smacks the bottle out of his hand and it spills all over the floor. His eyes are full of fire when they meet hers and for half a second she thinks he might hit her, but then she remembers who she's dealing with.

He was fuming, but he wouldn't hurt her.

"I was the fucking idiot who let that guy into my life. For God's sake Dean he had dinner at my house! I was the one who killed that pack, I was the one who put her in danger." Her voice is shaking, but she does not falter. "I was the one who was pouting because you didn't want to be with me. I should have been there to help, I should have been there to protect her..."

He shakes his head. "I started it all."

"Who's to say that Dean?"

He shakes his head. "You'll be next. I will screw up again and next time it will be you. People around me, they get hurt. That's why I don't get close to people. Why I don't stay in one place too long."

She grabs his face between her hands. "Please don't do this..."

"I'm just trying to spare you."

"From what?"

"The inevitable mess that comes along with being close to me."

She slaps him across the face because she's mad and he's fucking breaking her heart.

Silence feel between them, Lila stared into his eyes and tried to will herself to look away. What was it about those eyes that drew her in? What was it about him that refused to let her look away?

"You're not bad." She whispers, pulling his face towards hers. "I know you feel like you have to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders but you don't have to do that with me..."

He doesn't pull away from her, but he shakes his head.

"You want to go? Go. But just say it, just tell me. Don't bring up all of this bullshit because you're afraid."

"You don't want me..."

She brushes his hair back, his green eyes are filling with tears and it scares her because in all the time she has known him he has never seen him cry. "How do you know what I want?" Her fingers curl around the back of his neck. "What makes you think that I don't want you? God Dean, you're all I have wanted since I was eight fucking years old. It's always been you for me, always."

His forehead dips to hers. "Lila,"

He makes her name sound like a prayer, like something holy and good. It's never sounded so right coming out of anyone else mouth before. "Stop talking..." She presses her lips to his, and his hands tighten on her hips. He tastes like whiskey and salt but she doesn't care. She just wants to kiss him. Even if he doesn't remember it in the morning.

He takes his shirt off this time, stepping closer to her with a grunt that lands somewhere in her lower stomach.

She can feel his heart beating in his chest, wild beats that jump when she draws her hands up his chest. Frantic flutters against her fingertips when she kisses down his neck.

Dean's hand bunches at the fabric on her waist, practically ripping the buttons of her shirt off. His hands were so warm on her skin, and she melted when he touched her, into a puddle right there at his feet. He was all heat and warmth and sunshine.

How could someone so wonderful ever believe they were something awful?

I love you. I love you. I love you. Was fluttering in her chest as he brought her off of her feet and they came crashing down on the bed. Her ribs hurt with the words that she could never say.

Her lips were frantic against his, kissing him sober. She wants him to feel the way she feels when she looks at him, she wants him to know that he is something fucking magical.

Fingernails slide down his back, and his lips skim over her collar bone.

Lila hooks her leg around his bottom and pulls him in closer, bringing her hips off the mattress. She wants him so badly and she was done hiding it, done tiptoeing around it. She was three seconds away from begging.

And she had been her so many times before with guys, and yeah, it was good. Lila was a huge fan of sex, but it never felt so desperate before. She never wanted anyone so badly before.

This was nothing new, when it came to Dean Winchester and her.

Her stomach was in knots as he slid her shorts off, his fingertips trailing down her legs and then back up them. He kissed across her stomach, below her belly button, and she sighs despite herself.

She was never more hungry; never needed something so badly.

"Dean," her hands find his head, bringing him back up so she can kiss him.

He pushes inside her with a grunt, his hand tightening on her arm. He breathes deeply into her shoulder and then his eyes meet hers.

The world was on fire, burning around them and searing up her stomach.

If Lila had to describe heaven this is the example she would use.

Lazy green eyes gazing into hers, that beautiful smile playing on his lips. He was so fucking beautiful that it hurt. It hurt to fucking look at him.

"You okay?"

She nods, unable to form words.

If she opened her mouth she was afraid that she would say something stupid, something to make him run away so she just kisses him, nails digging into the back of his neck.

Its the longest five minutes of her life. Biting her lip to keep the words from tumbling out. Holding on to him for dear life. Burning a hole into the ceiling because she can't look at him.

She doesn't realize she's crying until he wipes a tear away with the pad of his thumb.

"Did I hurt you?"

Of course he fucking thinks he did something wrong.

Fucking martyr.

She shakes her head and buries her face into the crook of his neck. Talking is still beyond her at this point, the room is still spinning and her heat beat is still pulsing wildly in her ears. How was she ever going to catch her breath?

Her mother was right, Dean Winchester would be the death of her.

…

She wakes up in his arms. He's breathing soundly, still asleep. The TV is playing softly in the background, some old black and white movie that Lila doesn't recognize. She would be so very content to stay wrapped up in his arms but she really has to go to the bathroom.

She replays the moment again in her head, how gentle he was, how soft his hands were against her skin. Lila thinks, as she listens to him breathing that she never really made love to anyone before. All those other times were just sex, and they paled in comparison to that moment.

They paled in comparison to him.

And in that moment she realizes that she just doesn't love him, but she was wildly in love with him. So much so that it hurt. It broke her heart when he looked at her. It burned when he said her name. Her chest ached when he smiled.

All that pain, all that hurting, was it really something good?

He stirred and pulls her in closer, his nose poking her cheek. "I'm hungry."

She scoffs. "You still drunk?"

"Maybe."

"How about a shower and I'll order some takeout."

He nods, fingers pulling hips closer. "Don't wanna leave you..."

Lila kisses him, breaking something inside her chest when she did.

She lets him lead her towards the bathroom, lets him sit her up on the counter and kiss down her neck. It was like he knew all the right spots, all the places to kiss to make her squirm. He was a fucking expert.

Dean paused only to turn the shower on, then he was back to kissing her. He unsnapped her bra with one hand and she had to laugh because he smiles proudly afterwards like he just decoded a bomb or something.

He swings her around, her feet landing on the tile floor.

Those pretty green eyes stare into hers and everything is set right in the world.

The bathroom is full of steam and she is wondering, as he slides the shower curtain back, how much of it is actually from the shower.

…

They spent the entire week in that motel room, ordering takeout and pizza and watching shitty movies and daytime TV shows. It was as if the outside world ceased to exist, and nothing beyond that room mattered to them.

He talked a lot; more than she had ever heard him talk before. Dean told her things that she was pretty sure he never told anyone before, stuff about his childhood, about his mom. And Lila had never heard much about Mary Winchester besides that a demon killed her.

But Dean was there and he remembered that night his mother died with perfect clarity.

She held his hand, played absently with his fingers as he told her about that night twenty years ago.

"My dad told me to run and not look back, but I did and I saw her. She was on the ceiling of Sam's nursery and fire swept her away. It all just happened so fast..."

Lila presses her lips into his knuckles. "I'm sorry."

"I used to want to forget her, because all the things that I remembered hurt so bad. I couldn't talk about her to anyone, my dad just shut me down and Sam never really knew her so I just kept it all inside." He let out a ragged breath. "I think about her everyday, even now, its weird because you would think that eventually I could just move on with my life but it's always haunting me."

It all made sense to her then, why Dean was the way he was.

"I wish you could have met her..."

Lila leans up on her elbow to kiss him, and she rests on his chest. "Me too."

"I think that she would've really liked you."

"She might be nicer to me than my mom was to you."

He squeezes her arm. "She just wanted to protect you."

She nods. "I know." Biting her tongue to keep from crying she scoots closer to him. "It doesn't seem real," Lila whispers. "I honestly keep waiting for her to call me and cuss me out for running off and not calling her. I mean I keep picking up the phone and realizing that she isn't there anymore."

Dean brushes her hair away from her face, he presses his lips to her forehead. "Its an uphill climb. I've had twenty years to learn how to live without my mom and I am still struggling. But I just try to honor her in a way, I try to do right by her."

"People really don't give you enough credit."

He rolls his eyes. "Shut up."

Lila starts laughing and his cell phone starts ringing in his bag.

Both of them knew who it was, to be honest they had both been waiting on the damn thing to ring and break up this little vacation from the real world that they had going.

And how did that saying go?

All good things must come to an end...


	7. Weigh Your Wars

SPN; Fighting For Nothing

By: Paraflymore

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do not own Supernatural and if I did I would be way nicer to them all.

A/N: Okay; so I have decided that this story will be ten chapters because that sounds like a nice, even number and enough to get everything in. Then I will post another story to continue the series. And thank you all so much for reading. It means so much to me :)

Summary: These things take time, love; these things take back bone

Fighting For Nothing

Chapter Seven

"Weigh Your Wars"

Dean always felt like he had a sixth sense when it came to his father, he could always tell what kind of mood he was in, like he almost felt it himself. Chalk it up to being around the man for days on end while they hunted, holed up in the Impala with nothing but empty wrappers between them.  
So he knew, before he even said hello, that John Winchester was pissed.  
"What the hell is wrong with you two? Running off like that without so much as a god damned note!"  
Dean scrubs his hand down his face. "I've been meaning to call you,"  
"Well I've been meaning to kick your ass."  
Lila could hear him yelling, she rolls her eyes. It was astonishing to Dean that she had never been afraid of his father. Not one little bit.  
"I don't know who you think you are boy but you don't just get to take off like that, you hear me Dean?"  
"Yes sir."  
Lila holds her hand out for the phone, smirking at him.  
He shrugs, it was her own fault.  
"And another thing-"  
"Hello John."  
He stops and takes a deep breath. "Hello Lila."  
"I'm sorry that we didn't tell you we left. A friend of mine had an emergency in Florida."  
"What kind of emergency."  
"She had a little ghost problem. Dean took care of it."  
"I came back and the house was empty, nearly gave me a heart attack."  
"I'm really sorry."  
"Its okay."  
"Don't be mad at Dean," she says, brushing her hand through his hair. "He has been doing a really amazing job."  
He eyes her, snatching the phone away from her before she had the chance to embarrass him anymore.  
"We were just going to head back that way," he ignores Lila's pouty face, sliding out of bed and reaching for his boxers. She buries her face into the pillow and groans.  
"I'm in Birmingham, you two just meet me here." He says, and Dean can hear the irritation back in his voice.  
"Yes sir."  
He tosses the phone on the bedside table and starts searching for his clothes. He doesn't think he's wore a shirt in about three days. Lila is still hiding her face in the pillow.  
"We didn't even go to the beach!"  
He jumps in bed with her and starts tickling her sides, she screeches out something that sounds like fuck you but he can't quite make it out. "Come on sleeping beauty we gotta go."  
She sighs, kicking at his legs. "Fine." She tosses the sheet off of her and he finds his tshirt. It looks way better on her anyways. "But you still owe me a beach day."

...

Lila sleeps most the way to Birmingham, only opening her eyes long enough to devour a breakfast burrito that he waves under her nose. One thing he knew about Lila was she never said no to food. Not even if she just ate. He had seen her put it away, he just wasn't sure where she kept all of it.  
She is wide awake when they pull into the motel address that his dad gave him, and he had seen his dad stay at some shady places, but this one was pretty bad. He reaches for Lila's hand as they make their way up the stairs. She raises an eyebrow, looks up at him with a smirk on her lips. He kisses her, sliding his fingers between hers.  
"Don't think any thing of it," he makes a point to say this because her smirk doesn't leave her lips after he's done kissing her. "I just don't want anyone to think your available..."  
She eyes him. "So I'm not available then?"  
He just kept digging a bigger hole...  
"No, you're not."  
One of the doors on the floor above then opens and both of them jump a part like they were two kids caught doing something they weren't supposed to.  
"Get your asses in here!"  
Dean tugs her along the rest of the few stairs, pushing her a head of him. He wasn't trying to use her as a shield or anything... He just wanted something in between him and his dad.  
Lila yawns, waving at him as they walk into the door. She notices first that there is an open bottle of whiskey on the small table and two glasses. She turns and eyes him. "Did you have a guest?"  
John eyes her, the way she's looking up at him now, arms crossed over her chest, big brown eyes searing into his own. She looked just like her damn mother.  
"It was one of the deputies."  
She shrugs, turning around to eye the room. It was odd, seeing John Winchester in his natural habitat like this. The walls were lined with photos, hundreds of newspaper clippings. She stops, throat closing on her when she realizes what the headlines read.

 _Animal attack._ _  
_ _Young girl slain._ _  
_ _Wolf attack?_ _  
_ _Attacks on rise, caution urged in the south._

No.  
This was not still happening.  
"I thought all of this was over?"  
He shook his head. "You wanna sit down darlin'?  
"No." She snaps, shaking her head. "I want you to tell me what's happening."  
Dean eases towards her. She reminds him of a scared animal, her eyes doubled in size, her breaths coming out in short spurts. "I'm not gonna let anything happen to you."  
She eyes him. "I'm not worried about myself." Lila brings her thumbnail into her mouth. "I'm worried about all of these people."  
John pours himself more whiskey and sits down at the table. "I'm on it darlin' I've already got a lead on this new alpha."  
Dean felt his stomach drop. "How big is this pack?"  
"Its been around for centuries, all the lore I dig up dates them to around the 1700s."  
"Damn."  
He nods, taking a drink. "We had no idea what we had stumbled on son, this is big."  
Lila turns around, eyeing him. "You found their new alpha?"  
"I got a pretty good lead on who it is. Deputy was telling me this story about this family who lived here in the 70's they got a pretty bad reputation in town, fighting and stealing. Then one night three of the sons were arrested for murder. They were covered in the victims blood-" he reaches for a folder, opening it up he hands Dean a piece of paper. Lila looks over his shoulder at what it is. Three mug shots, she assumed the three boys John was talking about. There faces were covered in something dark gray, and she was going to pretend that it wasn't blood. But that is not what turned her stomach.

It was the last name.

Putnam,

"Putnam." She croaks out. "That was Clay's last name. Clay Putnam. Oh my god."  
Dean reaches for her then, not caring that his dad might get pissed. He hates the look on her face. He runs his hand slowly down her arm.  
"We have to end this, once and for all." She whispers, "before anyone else gets hurts "

...

His dad saddled him with a hunk of research. And then he asked Lila to come with him to get food.  
"Well I'm hungry too." He says, looking up from the computer.  
"There are two burritos in the mini fridge. Eat up."  
Lila followed him anxiously outside, giving Dean an apologetic look on her way out.  
John didn't talk the whole way to the diner, he just let the music drift between them, a much colder atmosphere than Lila had anticipated.  
"So, you wanna tell me what really happened?" He asks finally breaking the silence. She glances up from her menu, years and years of experienced lying made her look of innocence almost believable.  
"What do you mean?"  
"You don't have a friend in Florida do you?"  
Lila reaches across the table for his coffee, she pours sugar into it and then a lot more cream. Then she takes a drink. "I couldn't stand that house anymore. She's everywhere."  
John nods. "I understand. I really do, I just need you not to disappear like that."  
"I was with Dean."  
He scoffs..."  
She rolls her eyes. "You do realize who were talking about right? I mean he is your son."  
"My point exactly." He flags the waitress down and orders another cup of coffee. Eyeing her. "Bring us two deluxe breakfasts too sweetheart."  
Lila rolls her eyes. Winchester charm was definitely genetic.  
"I know my son."  
"Me too."  
He scoffs again.  
"Do you have something caught in your throat John?"  
He eyes her. "You're just like her you know?"  
Lila takes a slow drink of coffee. "I know you told her that you would look after me but I'm not a kid, and I am more than old enough to choose who I spend my time with."  
He sighs. "You are."  
"And I honestly don't see why you are so opposed to to it. Because my mom told you she had a dream or something?"  
"You've seen them come true just like I have Lila."  
"So tell me what it was then,"  
John cleared his throat. "You really think you can do it? That you can put up with the traveling and the danger? You really think you can handle all of the stress?"  
"Yeah." And when it came to Dean she was willing to do almost anything. She might never admit that out loud, especially around him but it was true. She would follow him into fucking hell if she had to.  
"Dean has a responsibility. He has a job to do, and I just think that this thing you have going on will get in the way of that."  
"Is that why things never worked out with you and my mom?"  
He scrubs his hand through his beard. "Me and your mom were never going to last."  
"Why? You loved her didn't you? I know she loved you."  
He nods. "Yeah, but love doesn't conquer all, despite what they say."  
"That's bullshit."  
The waitress appears, her eyes are weary as she sits there plates down in front of them. Two deluxe breakfasts, sausage, bacon, eggs, a biscuit and gravy, and even a waffle on the side. Lila's mouth was watering.  
"I think you Winchesters have something seriously wrong with you. You don't think its okay to love people, you push everyone away because you're afraid your gonna lose them." She stabs her fork through a sausage link. "But everyone dies, not just the people you love. Its just how fucking life is."  
He shakes his head. "You really have a way with words."  
She smirks, reaching across the table for the ketchup. "I am my mother's daughter."

Dean is pacing the room, talking on the phone when they get back. Lila hands him a cup of coffee and sits down at the small table. The laptop is open to some weird website full of pictures of wolves. She starts scrolling through, her eyes widening as she read.  
 _Lycanthrope is the mythological ability or power of a human being to undergo transformation into a werewolf._  
She's thinking how stupid she was, allowing herself to get so involved with a monster.  
She's thinking about the smooth way that he weaseled his way into her life. How she almost trusted him...  
She feels Dean's hand on her back, she looks up and he's looking at her.  
"Thanks for the coffee."  
"Figured you could use it."  
"What did you find out?" John asks, eyeing him.  
"I found out that the Putnam's own an old farmhouse about two hours from here, I think it might be where the pack is hiding."  
He nods. "We'll go check it out tonight."  
Dean nods. "Yes sir."  
"If they're this huge pack don't you think we need a little more back up?"  
"I got all that covered darlin', Pastor Jim is a phone call away. My buddy Caleb is corralling a group together as we speak."  
Lila nods. "Good."  
"Speaking of, I'm gonna give him a call. You two start packing up."  
Dean nods, and john slips out the door with his phone in his hands.  
Lila sighs, looking up at Dean.  
"How you doing with all this?"  
"I just want it all to be over with. I want some kind of vengeance for all the people they've hurt. For my mom."

He nods. If anyone could understand vengeance he could. But something about the look in her eyes made him wonder if this was too much, she looks like she was moments away from breaking down.  
He reaches for her hand, squeezing her fingers.  
Lila pulls him down into a kiss, breathing him in like fresh air. Only time she felt like her chest was whole was when he was close.  
Her momma used to tell her that you should never let allow yourself to need another person too much.  
But Dean Winchester was oxygen.  
And without him she couldn't breathe.  
...

Memories of that night start flashing in Lila's mind as the drive up the winding road leading up to the farmhouse. It was all too familiar, and the wounds were all too fresh.  
She watches Dean from the backseat, willing herself to be brave.  
Lila was tough.  
She prided herself on being strong and resilient, but this ache in her chest, this overwhelming fear that she was running out of air in the small car was too real.  
She thinks she is having a panic attack.  
"I think we should go,"

And as soon as she says it the garage door opens and a big black car starts it's way down the long driveway. Lila reaches for Dean's hand. She feels like her heart is going to beat right out her chest.

"Do you think he's going out looking for the next victim?" Dean asks, resisting the urge to climb into the backseat with her. He could tell she was anxious, he could just feel it in the way she had grabbed his hand/  
"They probably already have one lined up." He tells him, "They stalk them, gain their trust and then kill them."  
Lila swallows the lump in her throat. She is willing herself not to cry. There is no time for any of that, she is pretty sure that hunters don't cry.

John waits a few more minutes before he pulls the car out of it's hiding spot and then he takes off down the road. Lila lets her hand slide out of Dean's and she rests back against the seat. Her head was pounding, and she felt like she might be sick.

What was happening to her?

"Are you okay?" Dean's sweet voice seems to float through the haze in her head.

She nods, rubbing her forehead. "I just feel dizzy."

But it was so much more than that.

Her vision was blurring around the edges and her head was pounding awful behind her her eyes. Her stomach was churning, and her palms were sweating so badly, she kept wiping them on the front of her jeans.

"Lila?" His voice sounded so far away.

She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to will all the pain away.

When Lila opened her eyes she was looking down at her hands, they were covered in dark blood, blood that had been dried for some time. She swallows and her throat was coarse.

"Lila,"

Dean is standing there, he's looking down at her and the front of his gray t-shirt is ripped open and he's bleeding. His intestines are seeping out between his fingers and she wants to scream, but it comes out as a laugh.

"Lila, don't do this."

She lunges for him, her fingernails, no, her claws ripping him apart.

She wakes up to screaming, and it takes her a second to realize it's her own.

Dean is holding on to her, and Lila is trying to get away from him because seconds before she was killing him.

"I got you, its okay." He smoothes her hair down and kisses her forehead.

"What did you see?" John asks her calmly. He is sitting at the small table, looking into his glass of whiskey. He looks up and his dark eyes are seering into hers. "In your dream, what did you see?"

She swallows the lump in her throat. "No." She shakes her head, pulling away from Dean. "No, this isn't happening to me."

"She talked about it once, she called in transference. She said when her mother died her abilities got so intense that she almost went crazy. It's something that happens with psychics sometimes..."

"But I'm not psychic."

John stands up, walking slowly over to the bed. "Doesn't mean anything."

Lila lets out a deep breath. "I... I think I was one of them, they changed me." She looks up at Dean. "I was killing you..."

Dean touches her face. "It was just a dream."

She shakes her head. "What if I'm having visions of the future? What if they get to me and I... What if I hurt you Dean?"

"Stop." He grabs both of her hands. "I'm not going to let anything happen to you."

Lila yanks her hands away. "I can't hurt you... I can't."

He looks to his father, how was he supposed to fix this. It wasn't exactly something he could just put a bandaid over. This was something serious that they had gotten themselves into.

"Nothing is going to happen to you Lila. We aren't going to give them a chance to get to you."

She looks up. "What do you mean?"

"We came up with a plan, all we needed to do was find their lair and we could go through with it."

"What's your plan?" Dean asks.

John smirks at them. "Blow those fuckers up."

…

Dean had, by some miracle talked his dad into letting them get another room. He said he didn't want Lila to have to stare at the werewolf wallpaper that his father had decorated his room in. And they both could agree that Lila could use the night away from the stuff.

He was sitting on the bed, trying to come to term with the fact that she was having psychic visions and that they were about killing him.

It was kind of a trip.

The sound of the shower cut off and he stood up, moving around the room just to have something to do.

All of this felt like some kind of bad movie.

She comes out in just a towel, her dark hair wetted down on her head. She smelled like roses, and when she looked up at him with those big brown eyes it was all he could do not to smile at her.

"Strange night."

He smirks. "I've had stranger nights, believe it or not."

She walked over to the bed, digging through her bag for something to wear. "I don't even want to know."

He sits on the edge of the bed. "You wanna bail I totally understand."

She scoffs, sliding his t-shirt over her head. "Are you serious?"

Dean gets up, his eyes softening when he sees what she's wearing, she looks too damn good in his clothes. "It's a fucking shame that I don't look that good in that shirt."

She smiles, and it feels weird, strange on her face like it doesn't belong there. "Do you think his plan will work?"

He sighs. "I thought we said no werewolf talk..."

"How can we not talk about it?" She pulls her wet hair to one side and reaches for her brush. "I mean, I just had a psychic vision, which by the way was like a bad fucking acid trip and your dad just told us he plans to blow up a pack of werewolves-"

Dean catches her face, winding his fingers through her wet hair. "I can think of a few things to distract you..." His lips brush across hers and she wishes she could just makeout with him and forget about the day she's had but...

"I'm sorry," She leans away, tossing her hairbrush on the bed. "I'm really tired."

He nods, letting his hands fall to his sides. "Yeah, me too."

Lila catches his hand, squeezing it a little. "I just can't turn it off."

"I get it. This is a lot to take in."

"I'm pretty wigged out."

"As you should be."

Lila lets his hand go, and turns back to the bed. "You're staying right?"  
"Of course." His voice is barely a whisper.

"Good." She pulls the comforter back, and climbs into the bed. "I don't want to be alone."

He crawls into the bed next to her, settling beside her with his arm around her waist. She takes his hand and laces their fingers together. It reminds him of all those nights after her mother died, when she cried herself to sleep and he lied there next to her and kept her from falling over the edge.

It just felt different now, bigger ledge to fall of maybe.

Lila turns slowly around and looks up at him. "promise me something?"

"Anything..."

"If they get to me, and make me one of them. Promise me you'll kill me." Her voice is so desperate, so needing that it makes his stomach flip

How could he ever keep a fucking promise like that?

She kisses him on the lips, a whisper of a touch. "Don't let me kill you, don't think that you can get through to me, don't think I'm still me. Just end it."

He squeezes his eyes shut.

"Dean?"

"It won't go down like that."

She grabs his face. "Please. I won't be able to close my eyes and sleep until you promise me."

It breaks his heart, and he can literally feel it disintegrate in his chest. "I promise..."


	8. Hearts On Fire

SPN; Fighting For Nothing

By: Paraflymore

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do not own Supernatural and if I did I would be way nicer to them all.

A/N: I am so thankful for all the follows and favorites this story has gotten. Just wanna say that if you're reading this you are awesome and you are making me very happy. I love when people enjoy something I've written.

Summary: Your words like smoke, they made me sick but they kept me warm.

Fighting For Nothing  
Chapter Eight  
"Hearts On Fire"

"Fighting is the easy part..." He tells her, his fighting stance perfected over years and years of Winchester boot camp. "It all becomes muscle memory after a while."  
She smirks, her hair is piled on top of her head in a high ponytail, she has on a black tank top and bright pink shorts. If her outfit wasn't distracting enough, she decided now was a good time to talk dirty.  
"I bet your muscles have some great memories."  
He sighs. "I really need you to take this seriously."  
She presses her lips into a hard line and nods, holding her fists out the same way his are, she bounces from foot to foot, like a boxer. "I know how to fight." She tells him with a smile.  
He let's his fist fall to his sides, "never hurts to practice."  
Lila puts her hands on her hips, then before she can even draw in a breath he lunges at her, tackling her to the ground.  
She chuckles.  
"Never let your guard down."  
She looks up at him, brown eyes in full force. "Yes sir."  
She grabs his arm, yanking it behind him as she pops up from the mat, twisting it up behind his back. "Say uncle."  
He twists up, untwisting his arm and grabbing both of hers in the same breath. She was strong, he would give her that, but he was stronger. He twists both of her arms behind her back, enough pressure to get his message across.  
"These things aren't gonna be gentle." He says, his voice tickling the hair on her neck.  
"I won't be either." She flips out of his hold, landing on her feet in fighting stance, ready to fight. "Don't forget who my mother was, she had me fighting since I was a kid, I could always take you."  
He smirks. "You took cheap shots."

She laughs. "Whatever works."

"I just wanted an excuse to get you out of that motel for a while."  
She smiles, "well aren't you just romantic, Winchester."  
Dean shrugs. "I mean after last night..."  
Lila let's out a breath, "I'm fine..."  
He can tell she's lying. But he's not going to push the issue. He isn't very good at talking about this stuff anyways.  
She smirks, crossing her arms over her chest. "did we come her to talk about our problems Winchester?"  
She takes her stance, bouncing on her feet again. "Or are we gonna fight?"  
He chuckles, she really was cute when she was trying to be tough. It was his dad's idea. Bring her to the gym and practice fighting while he investigated the last body found. He didn't want her to see it and that was one thing him and his father could agree on.  
Yeah, she would probably be pissed, but he didn't care.  
Lila tackles him to the mat, she pins both of his arms to the ground and laughs, "you're letting me win..."  
"Maybe,"  
She leans down and kisses him, rolling off of him and settling next to him on the floor.  
"You're worried about me?"  
He let's out a breath.  
"I'm worried about you..." She whispers  
Dean raises up on one elbow and looks over at her. "Why in the hell are you worried about me?"  
"My dream, vision, whatever the hell it was. I killed you Dean."  
"That's not gonna happen..."  
She feigns a smile. "You're so sure of that aren't you?"  
He nods, looking down at her. "I've been in worse spots before,"  
Lila brushes her hand through his hair, "look at you now."  
He turns away from her. Some times she looked at him and he couldn't take it. Those big brown eyes unleashed something inside of him, and it was the scariest thing he ever felt.  
"I'm not scared of anything but losing you..."  
And there it was.  
The sentence that changed everything.

...

She watches him closely as he slides out of the shower. She's at the sink, brushing her hair, cool water sliding between her fingers.  
Some times it was hard to believe he was real.  
Dean smirks when he notices her staring, moments ago he had her pinned to the tile wall, screaming his name out. He kisses the back of her shoulder, water droplets spilling onto her skin.  
He hasn't even put a damn towel on yet.  
"You're killing me," She breathes out, squeezing her eyes closed.  
He chuckles, walking out of the bathroom stock naked.  
And what a sight to behold, Dean Winchester's backside was.  
She wraps her towel tighter around herself, joining him next to the bed. He had slipped on a pair of boxers much to her disdain. She turned the radio up and one of her favorite songs was playing. Sh never really knew who sang it but it was one of those songs she seemed to always catch on the radio.  
"There's a light in your eyes that keeps shinin' like a star that can't wait for a night..." He eyes her and she thinks its because of her heinous singing skills. "What?"  
"Fool in the Rain?"  
She shrugs. "I never knew what it was called..."  
"Its Led Zeppelin."  
"No way," she laughs, sliding on her underwear. She reaches for her jeans and he's still looking at her like that. "What's with the look?"  
He shrugs. "I just should've known you would like the cheesiest Zeppelin song."  
"Shut up."  
He shakes his head, sliding his own jeans on. "I mean, really Fool in the Rain? Are you kidding me?"  
"Its a good song."  
"Its not my favorite."  
"Not rock and roll enough for ya?" She asks him, clasping her bra closed.  
He rolls his eyes, walking over to her. One sure fire way to get her to stop talking...  
Someone knocks on the door.  
Lila snatches her shirt and quickly puts it on, Dean follows suit and slips his over his head. She pushes him towards the door and sits on the side of the bed to put her socks and shoes on.  
"How did the gym go?"  
"Good," Dean says, stepping aside for his dad to walk in. "She kicked my ass."  
Lila smiles proudly. "Did you doubt me John?"  
"Of course not darlin'."  
Dean gets a pair of socks out of his bag and starts putting his own shoes on. "Anything?"  
John shook his head and Lila did not miss the exchange between them.  
"Okay, what are you two not telling me?"  
Dean sighs and John gives him a look. "What?" He says, "its not my fault."  
"We were gonna tell you sweet pea, I just wanted to check things out beforehand, just to be safe."  
"What?"  
"There was another victim. A girl's body was found last night."  
"Where?"  
"Couple of towns over."  
Lila felt like she was going to be sick. "The full moon isn't for another week,"  
John nods. "I think they know we're here."  
"Why do you say that?" Dean asks.  
John takes a deep breath, then he sits the folder down on the table. "Take a look at our vic."  
Dean opens the folder, Lila peers between them and regrets it immediately. The girl was young, probably younger than her and she had a name carved into her forehead.  
LILA.  
She literally thinks her heart stops, for half a minute it is impossible for her to draw in a breath.  
Dean slams the folder shut, his eyes glaring. "We have to find these bastards."  
"Caleb's on his way," he looks at her and Lila feels paralyzed standing there looking up at him. "You're not gonna like what I'm about to tell you."  
She takes a deep breath.  
"These things have made it pretty clear that they are after you, and I can't guarantee that you'll be safe "  
"I don't need you to guarantee me that..."  
He sighs, "Lila I'm not letting you anywhere near that place "  
"You can't keep me from going."  
"Oh yes I can..."  
"This is my fight."  
Dean stands up, easing his way over to her. "Maybe its for the best..."  
"You too." John interjects. "These things have a personal vendetta against the two of you and the only way I can keep you safe is if you go."  
"You didn't teach me to run..."  
John looks at his son. "Caleb is bringing enough men. We will have the numbers on this."  
Lila shakes her head. "They killed my mom John, and they want to kill me."  
His eyes dart to her. "They don't wanna kill you, they want to make you a part of their pack."

Her heart sinks in her chest, but her words don't falter. "You're not my father you can't tell me what to do."  
"Little girl, I am not beyond locking you up." He scoffs. "I promised your mom I would keep you safe and that's what I'm gonna do."  
"You really just want us to hide?" Dean asks, his voice sounding small from behind his father.  
"I want you both safe Dean."  
Lila crosses her arms over her chest. "And what about you? You're still barely healed from the last werewolf John. You're not one hundred percent."  
"Don't you worry your pretty little head over me darlin'"  
She sighs. He was the most stubborn man she had ever met. She hated herself for what she had said to him, but she was mad and hurt and she lashed out. He looks at her with eyes full of sorrow and Lila knows that he loves her, loves her like she was his own.  
And they were all she had left now, so how could she argue anymore.  
…

Dean didn't leave until the cavalry arrived.  
Not that he didn't believe his father, he just wanted to be sure that he wasn't over exaggerating. Which was something he tended to do from time to time, especially of he didn't want him to worry.  
Caleb was a good friend of his father's. They hunted together for years. He saved his dad's life countless times and he brought about fifteen other hunters to the party. All of them equal parts of whiskey and gun powder.  
He kind of felt like he was at an NBA all star game or something.  
Dean was itching to go with them.  
He hated that he was being excluded like some kind of child  
But somebody had to look out for Lila.  
She was pouting, leaning against the passenger door of the Impala with a mean look on her face.  
He really understood her pain.  
"I can't believe your actually going along with this."  
He reaches for her but she pulls away. "You have to trust him Lila."  
She nods. "I just hate feeling helpless. I'm not helpless."  
"No, you're tough as nails." He tosses her the keys and she looks at him like he's lost his mind.  
"You're serious?"  
He shrugs. "Yeah,"  
She tries not to get too excited over it but it was a big deal. Dean Winchester loved his car more than anything in the world.  
"You're not just trying to distract me again?"  
He rolls his eyes. "Do you wanna drive or not?"  
Well, she thinks as she opens the drivers side door she might as well make the best of a bad situation.

...

He watches them.

Silent and fuming from the other side of the street. He wanted to just charge over there and kill them all, but he could feel the silver from tall the way over here.  
These hunters meant business.  
Gareth had only been alpha for a short time, but it was something he trained for his whole life.  
This was his destiny.  
And he wasn't about to let some hunters break that party up.  
He'd heard of the Winchesters, of course.  
They were famous in the monster community. John and his two sons, rag tag team of killing machines.  
It boggled his mind how they had managed to survive this long.  
They thought they were invisible, and he wanted to prove them wrong.  
Call it a personal vendetta.  
Clay was almost like a brother to him. They were best friends since they were kids. They were turned together, on that same night almost ten years ago.  
He had been telling him about Lila for months. This girl that seemed to come out of fucking no where for his best friend. Clay wasn't the type of guy who wanted to settle down, he enjoyed the hunt far too much. It made him curious, what was so special about this one?  
In their pack it was tradition, the true mate was something that most of their people searched their whole life to find, and when his friend started talking about all these things, he made a point to see it for himself.  
Never in his life had he ever seen a creature more beautiful than she.  
And he wanted her.  
She would be a lovely werewolf.  
He wanted to see her eyes turn, he wanted to taste her fear as he bit her, giving her this gift. He wanted her first kill to be that lanky hunter boyfriend to be the first heart she devoured.  
And he would stop at nothing to make it all happen.

…

A/N: I am working on Chapter Nine as we speak; no more cliffhangers :) 


	9. Cry Wolf

SPN; Fighting For Nothing

By: Paraflymore

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do not own Supernatural and if I did I would be way nicer to them all

A/N: I just want to apologize how long this chapter took. I have been so busy with work and my nephew and life in general. I also want to give a huge shout out to Def Leppard's Animal that helped me crack my writers block right in half. It's an awesome song and I encourage y'all to look it up. Def Leppard should be on everyone's playlist, just sayin... Anywho, heres the latest chapter, hope you enjoy :)

Summary: Are you fighting for nothing?

Fighting For Nothing  
Chapter Nine  
"Cry Wolf"

Dean was having seconds thoughts about letting her drive his car. She was a decent enough driver, but the entire car jerked when she used the breaks. She was more focused on the radio stations than the road itself.  
And she was making him a nervous fucking wreck.  
"You do have a license right?"  
She scoffs. "Who needs one of those silly things."  
He almost chokes.  
"I'm kidding. I just never had to drive."  
"Oh right, you like guys with cars," he crosses his arms over his chest. "I bet none of them had a car better than mine."  
She smirks. "I dated this guy with a hummer once..."  
"A Hummer?" He asks, unimpressed.  
She nods giving him the side eye. "But he was one of those types who was more in love with his car than anything else..."  
"Hmm."  
Lila continues, "It was a huge turn off."  
He moves his hand slowly across the dashboard.  
"I mean its just a car... Right?"  
"She doesn't mean it baby."  
She throws her head back in laughter and his car swerves across the stretch of highway. Instinctively he reaches for the wheel but she straightens back up just in time.  
"You're not funny."  
She shrugs. "Well I think its hilarious."  
He smirks. How in the world did he get so lucky to have her in his life? Sometimes he still caught himself thinking it was all a dream. There was no fucking way she was actually this in to him.  
No fucking way.  
It was unreal.

Lila looks over at him, "have you heard from your dad?"

He shook his head. "He said he's call if there was a problem."  
"No news is good news..." She whispers, almost to herself.

"He's got this, and he has plenty of fucking backup."

She runs her hand through her hair, pulling it back from her face for a second. "Do you think this is a good idea? I mean my stomach is in knots."  
He notices her hands shaking.

"I just think that we should be helping, this feels wrong."

"I don't like it any more than you do..."  
"But you do whatever he tells you to do."

It felt like a swipe, but he chose to ignore it. He was learning that when Lila was angry she got mean, and even though it hurt a little, she was right. He couldn't really argue with that fact.

He would follow his father into fucking hell.

"He has this thing," Dean begins. "He likes to be in charge and he just wants to keep everyone safe. Ever since my mom he blames himself for every dead person he sees."

She nods. "I get it, I really do. I just sort of feel like I made this whole mess, and it doesn't feel right to just let someone else clean it up."

He knew exactly what she meant. "I think we both had a hand in this mess."

Lila shrugs. "Guess so."

He sighs. "And that's why we're both in a timeout right now."

She rolls her eyes, getting off the exit, just barely missing another car.

"You are never fucking driving my car again."

...

 _They almost made this too easy._

Gareth thinks, as he pulls into a dingy motel parking lot, that big black car was like a beacon of light to him.

He could not believe that they actually split up.

The best part about it was that they actually thought they could outrun him...

Him, of all people.  
He was almost laughing with the satisfaction of it as he pulled into the parking spot right next to their car.  
He didn't even need back up...

He could smell her. Her scent had been easy enough to find at her house. He was only a little disappointment that she wasn't there. But, he always did enjoy a good chase.

Cat and mouse.  
His cell phone starts ringing and he answers it with a huff.

He was salivating with the prospect of what was to come, and he did not have time for a trivial phone call.  
All he can hear on the other end is screaming.  
"The house!" Someone yells, and their voice comes out in a cough. "The hunters, they..." The voice cuts of and he hears a feigning growl that cuts off abruptly.

Gareth listens to the sounds of chaos from the other end of the phone. He shouldn't had left them like this, but he didn't expect the hunters to make a move so quickly.

What could he do now?

Other than make them all suffer.

…

"Can I get a large order of crab ragoon, and four egg rolls. And also, do you guys have the spicy chicken?"

"Yes, yes. Spicy chicken."

She rolls over, wrapping the phone cord around her finger. Dean is across the room, staring at his phone like he is waiting for it to do a trick or something.

She rolls her eyes. "And two orders of rice."

"That will be twenty dollars and forty nine cents. Be ready in twenty minutes."  
"Thank you." She hangs the phone up and sighs a little over dramatically. "Dean?"

He looks up. "Sorry. My mind is just in a dozen other places."

"Mine too,"

She gets up off the bed and opens her bag, pulling her gun out. She sits it on the nightstand just for good measure and she looks back over at him, still staring at the phone.

"He'll call." She whispers, latching the locks on the door and peeking out the window. She couldn't explain this feeling she had, like someone was watching them.

"You're making me nervous." He says, his eyes looking up at her.

Lila shrugs. "Sorry I just..." A sharp pain ripped behind her eyes. "I just feel weird." Her hand grips the back of her the chair opposite him and he watches her knuckles turn white.

Last time he saw the look on her face...

She starts breathing heavily, like someone having an asthma attack.

He stands up and touches her arm, trying to pull her back. "Lila?"

Her hands are shaking and she looks up at him, "Don't answer the door..." She whispers, as she collapses into his arms. Just as she does, someone knocks on the door.

Fuck.

He touches her face, trying to wake her up.

There was a possibility that it was the delivery guy at the door, but when did they ever get lucky? He carries her over to the bed, lying her down gently.

He grabs her gun from the nightstand, checking it to make sure that it was loaded with silver bullets.

It was a mistake for them to leave, they were so fucking vulnerable and he hadn't been this scared since he was a kid.

The knocking got louder, and it almost sounded like whoever was on the other side of the door was kicking it now. It wouldn't be long until it busted it down.

He could try to sneak out the window, but he wouldn't get very far with Lila knocked out cold.

And just as he is considering this, the door is knocked down, a body is laying on top of it, the delivery guy. Chinese food spilled on the floor all around him.

Dean holds the gun out, stepping closer to the body. He checks the guy for a pulse and his hand comes back bloody.

A shadow steps into the doorway, a sinister smile on its face.

"He deserved one hell of a tip."

"Who are you?" Dean asks, holding the gun up towards the thing standing in the doorway. Dean could tell right away that it wasn't human.

"I'm your worst nightmare."  
He shoots the gun and the thing charges at him, eyes glowing dark yellow.

Fighting was the easy part...

He uses the momentum against him, flipping him over, he flies into the bathroom door and the wood splinters. The thing is actually laughing.

"I underestimated you, hunter." He is on his feet in a second, not a scratch on him.

"Let me guess, your alpha number three this week? I guess your familiar with my track records with alphas then."

It smirks. "Oh, I am."

Lila stirs on the bed and Dean realizes that the gun went flying across the room. He really did have the best luck when it came to these situations...

It's eyes seem to be transfixed on Lila, it's looking at her like he wants to eat her alive.

"Just so you know, I'm not letting you touch her." Dean's eyes land on the gun and he's calculating if he can get to it fast enough. "I'm gonna add you to my list of kills and I'm thinking of having you mounted." He smirks. "You'd look really good over my fireplace."

It chuckles. "You, I could like you under different circumstances..."

"Well that's too bad."

Lila rises up, drawing in a ragged breath.

"What's wrong with her?" It asks, and if Dean didn't know any better he would almost think that it was concerned about her.

"I told you not to open the door." She says in a weak voice, looking at him with malice in her eyes.

It steps towards her, and Dean steps between them, grabbing a hold if the thing. It pushes him to the side with little effort and Dean goes flying across the room.

Lila rises up from the bed and it catches her by the hair. "Lila." It hisses. "Lila, Lila, Lila. You are so much more beautiful close up..."

Her stomach turns, looking up into its deep yellow eyes.

She had seen his face before, it was burned into her memory. He was the one who turned her in her vision. She had been having nightmares of his face for days.

"I've been waiting to finally meet you." He sniffs at her neck, bringing his noise up to her ear slowly.

Dean's brings himself up on his knees with a grunt, he uses all his energy to raise up from the floor, his hands twitching by his sides.

"I can't wait to taste you..."

"At least buy the girl dinner first." He scoffs from the corner, his eyes landing on the gun on the other side of the room, he was measuring his odds. Trying to distract him, trying to buy them time.

The things claws were dangerously close to her neck.

In that moment Dean realized how fragile she was, and how he could very well lose her right there.

How could he ever live with this burden?

"I know what you want from me..." She says. "You want to turn me, make me like you."

It draws in a ragged breath. "I want you to be mine."

Lila swallows the lump in her throat. "You killed my mother."

"All necessity to ensure your loyalty to us... You can't have human attachments. They will make you weak."

Tears burned behind her eyes. "She was innocent in this. I was the one who killed those members of your pack. I slaughtered them." Her eyes flick to Dean for a brief moment and she hopes that he can understand what she's doing.

"Just like those hunters are slaughtering your pack now."

It grabs her roughly, growling as she speaks.

"My only question is, who will be the alpha when I slaughter you?

Just as Dean lunges for the gun, it bears its claws. A half a second passes and he shoots it in one breath.

But he's not quick enough, the bullet is a milisecond late.

It's claws slash across her stomach, and the front of her gray shirt turns red.

All he can hear is the blood pumping is his ears.

It takes his a second to realize that he screamed.

She coughs, putting her hand over the gashes, only to have her blood spill over her fingers.

"No." He breathes out, placing his forehead to hers. "Please don't die on me."

She sighs, almost relieved.

Maybe because he wasn't the one bleeding.

He ripped his flannel off and pressed it to her stomach, promising her it would all be okay. But he was really talking to himself. Lila brushes her hand through his hair, her eyes seem somewhere far off.

"You are the most beautiful thing..."

They had this rule, this unspoken rule that all hunters followed.

No hospitals...

They asked too many questions, needed too much information. And hunters were supposed to be shadows, passing through, leaving when the job was done.

But how could he just let her bleed to death?

He couldn't.

He refused to lose her, the one thing in his life that made any sense to him. He wouldn't be able to live with himself if she died.

And hell, he was barely hanging on as it was...

They were camping, Lila went out to get something to eat from the car and she was attacked. Dean said all he heard was her scream and he rushed out of the tent. Whatever it was got scared and ran off. He didn't see anything.

He didn't even have to lie to them much, they saw how badly she was bleeding and they rushed her off.

One nurse grabbed him by the arm to keep him from following them.

"I'm going to need you to fill these out for me..." She says, handing him a clipboard.

"When can I see her?" He asks, eyes tired, hands shaking.

"I will let you know when she is stable."

He collapses into one of the plastic chairs, his eyes flickering across the room. A little boy was eyeing him and Dean realized then that he was covered in blood. In her blood.

And suddenly he felt like he was going to be sick.

He barely made it to the bathroom.

And as he's retching into the toilet his phone rings.

About fucking time.

"Its done." Was all his father said.

"Lila's in the hospital." He tells him frantically. "I didn't know what else to do, she was bleeding to death and... I couldn't just let her die."

"Slow down..."

Dean picks himself up off the floor and makes his way to the sink. "The alpha, he wasn't there, he followed us."

"Son of a bitch... Is she- how is she?"

"I don't know yet."

"What did you tell them?"

Dean scoffs, letting the water in the sink turn pink from all the blood on his hands. "I told them we were camping." He glances at himself in the mirror, blood splattered across his face, his eyes are sunken into his head and he looks pale. "I need you to clean up the mess at the motel, two bodies. I will send you all the info. I just can't leave her right now."

"I'll be there as soon as I can."

Two hours he waits, pacing, trying to resist the urge not to throw up.

What could be taking them so long?

Then just when he thinks he is going to lose his mind, the nurse appears. She waves him over and escorts him back into a room.

She's lying on the bed, hooked up to monitors, all of them beeping. She looks so small and pale and it makes him feel like he is going to be sick again.

"She lost a lot of blood, we have her on morphine so she will be out cold for a few hours. The doctor will be in to talk with you in a few..."

He barely hears her, he's too transfixed on the motion of her chest rising and falling.

She's alive and that's all that matters to him.

Dean pulls the chair up to her bedside and takes her hand, lacing his fingers with hers.

He loves her.

God he fucking loves her.

Thats what this feeling was, bubbling up inside his chest.

Love.

He rises up to kiss her temple, and he whispers into her ear. "I love you, please be okay."

…

John Winchester wasn't a cryer. He never really had been. He cried when Mary died, he cried when Sam left, and he cried when Arlene's body was burning on that pyre. But he never let anyone see him...

Crying was something he did in private, when no one could see him being weak.

But he lays eyes on Lila in that hospital bed and he loses it.

He promised to keep her safe.

Promised a dying woman, who was choking on her own blood and fighting to get the words out. "Keep her safe for me John Winchester. Please, keep my baby safe."

And he fucked up.

"I should have never sent you two away."

Dean shakes his head. "It's gonna be okay..."

He wipes the tears away with a fist, ignoring the scared look on his son's face. "This time it is, but there is always gonna be a next time. Something is always going to be after us... we're fucking cursed."

He had seen his son shatter before, plenty of times. Dean was strong, John had made him strong, but just like his father he had his breaking point.

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that she's never going to be safe with us."

Dean's eyes flick to her, and its breaking his heart because he knows how he feels, how they both feel about each other. It hurts him more than anything to watch it all crumble.

"We have to let her go..."


	10. Ramble On

SPN; Fighting For Nothing

By: Paraflymore

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do not own Supernatural and if I did I would be way nicer to them all.

A/N: This is the final chapter of this story, but do not fret guys, I will be posting way more to accompany this story. Just look out for anything that I say is part of the Fighting For Nothing verse. The next story should be titled "Just Like a Ghost" I hope you all enjoy :)

Summary: Got no time to for spreading roots; The time has come to be gone.

Fighting For Nothing

Chapter Ten

"Ramble On"

When she was a little girl Lila was always outside. She loved to climb trees and she would spend her entire day up in them, looking down at the world and pretending she was a bird. One day she was playing and she found a baby bird that had fallen out of it's nest. Shocked, she scooped him up and carried him back to her house. She showed him to her mother proudly and proclaimed that she was going to take care of him.

Arlene tried her hardest not to freak out. The little thing in her daughters hands was squalling, and Lila seemed so pleased with her new friend.

But she hated birds, they carried diseases and her mother always told her that they were bad luck to keep inside the house.

She knelt down, eye level with her little girl.

"You can't keep the bird baby,"

"Why not?" Even at six years old Lila was stubborn, too damn stubborn for her own good.

"Because, it has a momma bird and a whole bird family that are probably missing him right now."

"But he's hurt. He can't fly. How is he supposed to be a bird if he can't fly?"

Arlene smiled, how could she not? Her daughter could be so dramatic at times.

"We will make him better, okay? Then we will let him go."

Lila shook her head eagerly.

They spent three weeks nursing the baby bird, that Lila had dubbed with the name Theo, back to health. She had grown so attached to the thing, she even slept with it in a box beside her bed.

And when they day came to let Theo go, the day Arlene had been dreading every second of those three weeks.

Lila clung to the box, refusing to let it go, with tears streaming down her face.

"I love him mommy! I love him more than anything."

Arlene knelt in front of her daughter and wiped the tears from her cheeks. "I am gonna tell you something baby girl, something that momma told me once. You may love him, you may feel like you will never be able to go on without him but it's not true."

Lila sniffled. "But it hurts my heart..."

"I know it does." She kissed her forehead. "One day baby girl you will realize that if you love something sometimes you have to set it free, even if it hurts you."

She seemed unconvinced, but she handed the box over to her with a tear falling from her big brown eyes.

"Just remember, Theo will always know that you saved his life baby, and he will never forget it..."

...

She woke up and he was asleep in the chair beside her bed. The sunlight coming through the window behind him made him look like an angel.  
And that is exactly what he was...  
Her head felt cloudy but other than that she felt no pain. She ran her fingers slowly across the bandages on her stomach, she could feel the stitches. Thinking about how close to death she had been made her sick, and she wondered how badly it had effected him.  
Lila had this irrational fear that he wasn't going to be there when she opened her eyes.  
But there he was.  
So why did her heart still hurt?  
John walked in the door looking like a dream, clean shaven and wide eyed, a rare sight to behold for a Winchester.  
She smiles, watching him sip from a styrofoam cup of coffee.  
"I hate vending machine coffee." He muses, staring at the cup with an offensive look.  
Lila nods, "I'm sure if you ask the right person they have a coffee pot around here somewhere."  
He smirks, "I'm glad you're awake darlin'."  
"Me too."  
"I've got this job in Minnesota, so I have to be heading out soon, do you need anything?"  
She shook her head. "No." Her eyes glance over to Dean. "How long has he been out?"  
"He was awake when I went for coffee."  
Lila smiles.  
"Can I tell you something darlin'?"  
She nods.  
"You're lucky to be alive right now... and this, this will just be the first of many if you continue down this path."  
"You trying to scare me John?"  
He takes a long drink of his coffee. "Guess what I'm trying to say is, the two of you, you may think this is something and its special but it can't last. Not how it is right now. I know its gonna break both of your hearts. I don't have to be psychic to tell you that..."  
"So, you're saying that I should what, let him go before it gets worse?"  
He nods.  
"I respect you John, probably more than I did my own father. But sometimes you are so absolutely clueless it's insane."  
He chuckles. "I'm just trying to save you both."  
Lila rests her head back on the pillow. "I don't want you to save me..."  
John leans over and kisses her on her forehead. "Darlin' our lives are about to get real messy, I can feel it in the air. And I just can't stand to see you caught in the middle of it." His voice is barely a whisper and Lila can't help but to shiver. His words were so ominous, and they hit her like a punch on the gut.  
"I'm not afraid..."  
"You should be." John walks over on the other side of the bed, shaking his son awake. Dean looks up at him with a dopey, half asleep grin and the tears start falling down Lila's cheeks as John walks out of the room, leaving them alone.  
They were leaving her.  
She could feel it.  
Dean wouldn't meet her eyes, he ran his fingers slowly through his hair and stood up, stretching. "Hey, why are you crying?"  
Everything hits her like a ton of bricks. It's so hard to breathe.

He's right there, thank goodness because she needs something to hold onto. She wraps her arms around his neck, pulling him close to her. Breathing in the smell of him.

I love you, on the tip of her tongue.

She didn't want to let him go.

He pulls away and looks at her, wiping a tear from her cheek with the pad of his thumb. How was it going to be possible to walk away from her? How was he supposed to be that brave? It all made sense, it was all black and white. The two of them didn't belong, it was too good to be true. It was a disaster waiting to happen. They acted too much on their feelings rather than logical thoughts. It was something that would cost them both their lives.  
He knew where this road led.  
But he almost thought it would be worth it.  
A clean break. That's what his father had said. Yeah its gonna hurt like hell but it will heal faster that way.  
And Dean knew that his father was right. But he couldn't fathom the idea of not having her around him everyday. Maybe it was selfish, in fact he was sure it was.  
But for the first time in his life, Dean Winchester wasn't afraid of what his father would do.  
He just knew that he couldn't walk away from her.  
Even if it killed them both.

"I just have this really bad feeling that you're gonna leave me..." She breathes, her voice shaky from the tears in her throat.

Dean swallowed hard. "You almost died, you know that right?"

She shakes her head. "I didn't. I'm here," She reaches for his hand, places it over her heart. "I'm okay."

He smirks. "Yeah."

"What did he say to you?" She asks frantically, seconds away from losing her shit. She didn't care what happened, she didn't care if they committed her. She was so beyond caring about anything at that point, other than him walking away. "Please don't let him change your mind about how you feel about me."

He kisses her, because its all he can think to do.

Lila's hand grips the back of his neck. She can taste the goodbye on his lips. The bitter flavor makes her eyes fill with tears.

She could not even fathom a life without him in it.

Was it even a life at all.

He dips his forehead to hers. "I called Del, she's driving down."

"Why did you call her?"

"Lila..."

"No. No, stop tip toeing around it Dean, if you want a way out, just admit it."

Maybe, he thinks, it will be easier if she just hates him. "Its gonna end bloody and messed up and I can't lose you like that. I can't be the reason you die."

She pushes him away. "You're a fucking coward."

If you love something, set it free.

That was always a crock of shit.

She's looking at him and she's thinking about that bird and how when she opened her hands and let him fly away he didn't even look back at her. It was like all that time she spent meant nothing. And yeah, it was just a stupid bird, but at the time it meant the world to her.

"I'm trying to do the right thing here. I'm trying to let you go..."

If you love something...

"I don't want you to."

Dean stands up off her bed, but she keeps a hold of his hand. "I should have listened to her Lila, when she told me that I was going to bring nothing but pain into your life. I shouldn't have let things get this far, I shouldn't have-" His voice trails off and she swears she can see tears in his green eyes. "This is breaking my fucking heart."

"Then stop." Everything is blurry from the tears brimming over her eyes. But she can see him slip off one of his bracelets, a simple leather piece that he told her was from his first leather jacket as a kid. He pressed it into her palm and closed her fingers over it.

"I want you to remember that I am always going to be there, if you need anything. But I can't be with you Lila. It's too dangerous, too much is at stake."

She can't speak, the lump in her throat is too tight.

What else could she say to make him stay.

Throwing those three words out then felt foolish.

And she didn't care if he was Dean Winchester.

She wouldn't admit it first, she wouldn't let him know just how deeply her feeling for him were. She couldn't bare herself to him like that, especially if he was willing to walk away.

Leaving was a cowards way out. It was what her father did to her mother. Some bullshit lie about keeping them safe and out of harms way. And that's all it was.

Bull shit.

A scared little boy who was too afraid to stand up for the things he wanted in life.

She looks up at him, wiping tears from her cheeks. "I can take care of myself."

Dean nods, a hard set to his jaw. "I'm just a phone call away."

Lila turns over in the bed, away from him, tucking her arm under her pillow. She couldn't look at him a second longer. She hated him with all of her heart, but the saddest part about it all was, despite the fact that he was leaving her, she would always love him.

She would love him for the rest of her life.

…

Del comes into the room with flowers and balloons. She has on a pair of white sunglasses that have been covered in rhinestones and they reflect light all over her room. She looked good, as she always did. But she wasn't smiling when she saw her.

"Baby girl, only you could narrowly escape death and still look stunning."

"Don't lie to me, Del."

She takes her glasses off and eyes her. "Okay, you look like shit."

Lila smiles faintly.

"I want you to know that I think you can do way better than that boy anyways."

She chokes on tears, "I really can't talk about that right now, okay?"

"Okay."

But the tears start falling anyways.

"I don't have anyone left..."

Del rushes over to her, pulling her against her chest, brushing her hand through her hair. "Oh, honey. Don't you ever say that again. As long as I have breath in my lungs you got me."

"I know, I'm sorry I just... Everything, it's all just hitting me at once. I don't know how to handle it."

She pulls away and looks right at her as she speaks. "Baby girl, you are stronger than you think. And I know you think that this is the end of the world. But this feeling in your heart will pass, nothing in life is permanent."

Yeah, she had heard that one before.

And Lila was starting to think that the only thing that was permanent in this life was pain...

…

She spent a week in the hospital, despite her constant protest and even one failed attempt at trying to escape.

And when the day finally came when she was signing release papers two men in police uniforms were waiting to talk to her.

Of course, because the week she was having wasn't eventful enough.

"We just have some questions Ms. Dawson about the animal attack..."

She sighs, zipping her jacket all the way up. "I already told the detective what happened."

He nods. "Just a few follow up questions."

The younger one opens a file folder and pulls out a picture. Lila has to hide the surprise on her face. It was the Chinese takeout guy. "Have you seen this man before."

Lila shakes her head. "No..."

"His name is Edmund Lee, he is a delivery boy at the Golden Dragon. He was last seen making a delivery, the name on the ticket was Dawson."

Lila puts her hand on her hip. "It's a common last name."

The older, crouchy one nods his head. "We thought that too, but you see when we cross checked the name in our database the only other Dawson we got is eighty four year old Elma Dawson, and she doesn't like Chinese food."

"Are you accusing me of something officer?"

He shrugs. "Your boyfriend, where is he?"

She winces at the word.

Was that what he was?

"I don't have a boyfriend."

"The young man who brought you in," The younger guy says, an apologetic look on his face.

She had to hand it to them, they had this whole good cop, bad cop thing down to a science. She was almost falling for it.

"Your guess is as good as mine, he- uh split town. I couldn't even tell you which way he ran..."

Older one smirks. "Convenient."

"You don't think that he had something to do with this guy going missing do you?" She says, sounding all surprised. She was a good actress too.

"We don't have much to go on here but the address that was given to the Golden Dragon, a motel out on the highway. The night clerk recognized you and your friend, said you two checked in late that night and then around four am he saw him drive off in a hurry."

Lila shakes her head. "Look, I couldn't let my aunt know that I was at a motel, so we made up the camping story. That guy never showed up... I went out to the vending machine to get something to eat and something attacked me..."

The younger guy pulls a tape recorder out of his back pocket and hold it out to her. "Can we get an official statement from you?"

The older guy pushes his arm back to his side. "I know your not from around here Ms. Dawson, but I advise you stick around for a while, we aren't done talking to you yet."

"Yes sir." Lila nods.

The older cop leaves and the younger one sticks around, reaching into his back pocket and handing her a card. "Look I know how it is, I've seen girls like you before, young, impressionable, naïve. You think you've found prince charming but really you've just stumbled upon some dead beat."

Lila smirks.

"You don't have to be afraid, I will make sure nothing happens to you."

"You're sweet." She tucks his card into her pocket. "I will call you if I remember anything..."

"Detective Bronson."

She turned on her best flirty smile and watched him leave, Del came in holding two Mcdonald's milkshakes.

"Did you get everything sorted honey?"

"Yes aunt Del."

She raises an eyebrow at her, but Lila just slightly shakes her head. She closes the door quickly behind officer friendly and takes her milkshake.

"We have to get out of this town."

Del sighs. "I have half a mind to call them damn Winchesters back here to clean up this mess they made."

Lila shook her head. "Don't you dare call them."

She takes a step back, "Okay."

"You're pretty good at escaping right? I know they are going to be watching me close."

"Oh I have a few tricks up my sleeve baby..."

…

FYI, Lila did not look good as a blond. She was staring at herself in the bathroom mirror from two towns over, the blond wig that Del had shoved at her hours before had seemed funny at first, but now it was just driving her crazy.

But Del didn't want her to take it off until they were out of Alabama.

Three more hours.

Lila grabbed her bag off the floor and slung it over her shoulder. She fastened the old baseball cap down over her eyes. On her way out of the gas station she grabbed a bag of funyuns and a diet pepsi. She paid with cash and scurried out od there before anyone could get a good look at her.

Del is putting gas in her car, she had a bright purple scarf tied around her hair. She was humming along to the radio as if they were just two people on a road trip.

"You are awfully chipper." Lila says, twisting the top off of her pepsi and taking a long drink.

"Breaking the law makes me that way. It really has been a long time, did your momma ever tell you about the time we robbed a bank?"

Lila laughs. "Vaguely."

"It was the seventies, everything was crazy. We were at war and we did a lot of drugs..."

"Excuses." She says, shaking her head.

Del swats her arm. "Well she and I had a fun go of things in our day."

"You miss her?"

"Every day." She says, hanging the nozzle back on the pump. "We talked at least once a week, some times two if we were lucky. She mostly talked about you..."

Lila felt the lump rise in her throat. She feigned a smile.

"She loved you more than anything in the world."

"I know she did."

Del kisses her forehead. "I know you're sad right now Lila baby but I want you to know something that your momma told me, a few days before..."

Lila felt her chest cave in on itself, but she kept on drawing in steady breaths.

"She said that boy has a darkness around him, and she was so afraid that it would cost you your life."

"Too bad she couldn't predict her own death." Lila says, a single tear falling down her cheek.

Del wipes it away with the pad of her thumb and kisses her forehead. "She knew something bad was coming. I know that you had some serious feelings for that boy but he wasn't good for you. You have to see that now..."

She nods.

Lila knew that Dean Winchester wasn't hers. He would never belong to anyone really. She took comfort in that fact. And looking back, she knew that it was a mistake and it was never going to last, but that tiny flicker, that maybe, that kept her heart alive.

And she would always love him.

Just like a junkie loves their junk.

…

Dean was staring at his phone, it was sitting on the table between them. John had been waiting for him to snap out of this funk, but here it was nine days later and he was still sulking.

He wasn't even flirting with the pretty waitress, or eating his burger.

"Have you heard a word I've said son?"

He looks up at him, looking so worn and tired. "Sorry, I was-"

"You waiting on her to call?"

Dean sighs. "I know she's not gonna call, but I'm thinking about what might happen if I called her..."

"You know this is for the best, don't you?"

"Yeah."

But he didn't sound convinced.

"Do you love her?"

Dean got a look on his face, this far away, misty look. And John Winchester felt like the scum of the earth because he didn't even have to answer, he could see it plain as day, the answer was yes.

But he knew better than anybody that attachments only led to more heartbreak, more bodies on your concious, more crossed to bear.

"I don't know. But I miss her..."

"She has a shot at a normal life this way son, without us in it. Her survival rate goes way up. We're just bad luck..."

Dean nods. "Yeah, you're right."

"I will make sure she is taken care of, her mom made sure that she would be taken care of too, the girl is set for life."

It helped, a little bit, only a little.

But he still felt like he was missing something. He read this article once, well actually Sam read it to him, about people who lose a limb and go to itch it or move it only to find it wasn't there anymore. That was kind of how he felt every time he looked over and she wasn't there.

But he was a Winchester, and they didn't have the luxury of missing someone for too long. They had a job to do...

Saving people, hunting things, the family business.

The job didn't do its damn self.

…

Three Months Later.

She wasn't sure what it was, but something had been telling her that it was time to go home.

Managing to avoid the place for six months was a record all it's own.

But something inside of her was just tired of running.

So, she packed up a bag and got Del to agree to let her borrow her car and she headed back to Decatur, Janis Joplin blaring on the radio.

After all this time, Lila finally realized that the only place that was ever her home was that small three bedroom house in the country. Where her baby pictures hung on the walls along with the tapestries and the Janis Joplin photographs.  
Her mother worshiped Janis.  
She even somewhat named her for the lady. She was in a tie between Janis and MaryJane for a middle name but thankfully she had decided on just Jane.  
Even though, if it wasn't a Tarzan reference it was a weed reference that she was teased about as child.  
It still smelled like inscents when she pushed open the wooden door.  
It was such a strange feeling, looking through the door, waiting for her momma to come running towards her.  
"She's not here..." Lila whispers to herself. She pulls the gun out of her bag just for good measure and checks every room and closet just to be sure she is alone.  
Struck by the picture of her mom hanging in the hallway as she makes her way towards the final room. She was six months pregnant, a tiny little bump peeking out from under her cutoff tie dyed shirt.  
She was such a fucking hippie.  
Lila smirks, tucking the gun into the back of her jeans, taking the picture from the wall and looking at her mother's beautiful face more closely.  
"You were right about him." She whispers, pushing her bedroom door open. "I'm sorry I didn't listen."  
That boy has a darkness around him.  
Del's words were still echoing in her ears.  
Her momma's bed was always one of her favorite places in the world. It had always been so much warmer and comfortable than her own.  
Without a moments hesitation she bounds into it burying her face in the pillows that still smelled like her.  
She wrapped her arms around it, pulling it in close.  
If she pretended hard enough if was almost like she was hugging her mother.

Crying had become the norm with her. It happened at the drop of a hat sometimes. She almost too k comfort in the salty tears streaming down her face.

She always felt better after a good cry.

Lila takes a long shower, using her momma's coconut shampoo and body wash. She's staring at herself in the mirror and she's looking at her hair and she's thinking that it just looks out of place. Like it belonged to somebody else.

Her hands are shaking as she pulls her hair to the side and chops it off, a good half a foot of hair in her hand.

She tosses it into the sink and pulls it to the other side, chopping it off more. She had never cut her own hair before, her momma had always cut her hair.

And as Lila thought about it she realized that the only reason she kept it so long was because she had liked it so much, and what did it matter now that she was gone.

It turns out decent enough, coming up right below her shoulders.

She felt like a different person.

She gets dressed, an old pair of jeans and a flannel from her momma's closet. She packs up a bag of clothes, a mixture of both of their wardrobes. She packs her favorite pictures into a box and some of her momma's old books. She takes down her favorite Janis photo and the purple tapestry that hung over their orange couch.

Last thing she took out of the house was her momma's jewelry box and then she sat on the hood of Del's car and smoked a big joint of her momma's stash.

"This is for you mom."

She pulls out the envelope that she had been carrying with her since Del handed it to her that day.

Now seemed like the right time to read it.

My Dearest Lila,

If you are reading this letter it means that I am gone. I am so sorry that I had to leave you baby.

She pauses, looking up from the paper to wipe tears from her eyes.

I want you to know that you are going to be okay. I ensured a long time ago that you would be well off when I passed, no matter how it happened. I want you to know that you are the best thing I ever did in my life baby girl. You were my one true blessing. I didn't believe in God until I laid eyes on you, my precious baby girl. I know that living your life will be hard now, I know that you are going to have to adjust to being on your own but you have always been a fighter. You have always been brave my baby girl. You have a fire inside of you that I have always envied. I will keep this short and sweet because I am balling my eyes out as I write these words to you, you are asleep in the next room and I am trying to fathom the idea of you ever having to read this. But all things in this life must end. But the love I have for you will always be inside of you my baby. You will always carry it.

On a lighter note there is a key in my jewelry box, the key will open a safe deposit box in Minnesota. I hope that this gift will make your life a little easier.

With all my love my darling,

Momma.

She folds the letter up and tucks it into her pocket. She slides off the hood and opens the back door, pulling the jewelry box out. She dumps the contents on the hood. There is no key, only her favorite pearl earring and a couple dozen gold rings. She is fastening the pearls in her ears when she realizes that the bottom of the wooden box, slides off.

Her mother was so clever.

She slides the wood out of its slot and smiling up at her is a gold key, a small folded up piece of paper is tucked underneath it with an address written on it and a five digit number that Lila assumed was the safe deposit number.

And her curiosity got the best of her, as per usual.

…

She drove straight through, only stopping for about an hour to take a quick nap halfway there. It was so much colder up here, and as she got out of the car she was reaching for her leather jacket. The bank was a small no name bank that looked like something out of a movie.

She is thinking that this is the kind of bank that gets robbed...

And then she starts laughing.

"Can I help you miss?"

Lila looks up, stepping towards the lady behind the desk. "My uh, grandma, she just passed away and she left me this key in her will. It's supposed to open a safe deposit box here."

The teller nods, typing something into her computer. "Do you have the number?"

"87344." Lila says, absently tapping the key on the counter.

The woman extends her hand and Lila holds the key closer to herself. "I'd rather hold on to it if you don't mind."

She makes a small noise of dissaproval but Lila chooses to ignore it.

She is picturing a woman in tie dye holding this place up thirty years ago and she is fighting the urge to bust out laughing.

"Okay, follow me."

She leads her back to a room, the walls are lined with different numbers, each of them a different box. Lila watches her anxiously as she pulls a small ladder towards the number, reaching for the key again. Lila hands it over to her reluctantly and watches her unlock it.

What exactly she was expecting to find, she had no idea.

It could be anything knowing her mother.

She was half expecting some golden marijuana when the woman sat the box down on the table and handed Lila the key back. "I will give you a moment alone. I will be right outside when you're finished."

"Thanks."

Never in a hundred fucking years would she have guessed.

Besides the very big diamond ring that Lila was sure her mother had also robbed from someone. There were saving bonds. Stacks of them. Millions of dollars worth of them...

"Holy shit." Resisting the urge to puke or pass out Lila scoops everything up and tucks it into her pockets. She opens the door and smiles kindly at the woman. "would you believe it was just some old pictures?"

The lady smiles. "I have seen some stranger things."

Lila shrugs, "oh well, grandma always was one for the dramatic stuff." she turns on her feet heading straight for the door. She was ninety percent sure that she was carrying stolen property.

And she really couldn't fucking believe this.

She calls Del with a shaky hand and screams in her ear.

"What the hell is your problem."

"I'm a millionaire!" She yells

"I see you found the key?"

"You knew about this?"

She laughs. "Well you momma did tell me everything."

"Del, please tell me that the bank I was just in was not the one you two robbed."

"It was the last place they would look-"

"I can't believe this." Lila starts the car up. "She was literally the most awesome person in the world."

"That she was."

Lila backs out of the bank and makes her way slowly towards the interstate. "We should take a trip, somewhere with a beach. How does Tahiti sound?"

Del is cracking up on the other end of the phone. "You sound just like her Lila."

She smirks, flipping the visor down so she can look at herself.

For the first time in months, her smile was actually genuine.

And everything felt okay.

Just okay.

At least it was for now anyways... 


End file.
